Page 19 of The Next Of Us
I searched her eyes.“So, the separation?That’s because of how things have been recently?It’s not something you want?”
She nodded shortly.“I didn’t understand what was happening.I still don’t.And I’ve been feeling so off, you haven’t touched me, I’m dry and sore and I don’t even want to have sex anymore.I can’t sleep, my…nipples are shrinking…” The corners of her mouth tugged down as she swiped her finger beneath her nose.
I stopped short.
Her nipples are shrinking?
What the fuck?
“Nadine,” I ventured gently, cursing myself for my lack of attention the night before.“I’m so sorry I missed all this.Come,” I tugged her gently toward the couch.Coffee could wait.“I want to hear what’s going on.What do you mean your nipples are shrinking?”
She laughed wetly and padded along beside me.“Figures that’s the part you latched onto.”
“Speaking of latching…” I wagged my brows and garnered another laugh from her.
Her garbled giggle sent a pang of regret through my heart.
My sweet wife had been suffering and I, wrapped up in things I couldn’t change, missed it.Sitting down in the corner of the couch, I pulled her onto my lap.
Offering a half-hearted resistance, she protested, “I’m too heavy.”
I scoffed.“You will never be too heavy to sit on my lap.”
Before we got pregnant with Thalia, Nadine had been shy and undemonstrative, especially in public.With all the emotional upheaval surrounding Thalia’s impending entrance into the world, she craved closeness, grounded in proximity to me just as I was with her.If she wasn’t pressed up beside me in those days, she was in my lap.
She was my anchor.My true north.My purpose and direction.
She always would be.
Tucking her head under my chin, I prodded, “Tell me.Tell me what’s going on with my nipples.”
She snorted.“I missed a couple of periods.”
I froze, then laughed at the thought we’d been caught out twice.Something suspiciously close to joy erupted in my heart.“Are you telling me you might be pregnant?”
“No!”The single word broke on a sob.She threw out her hand.“It’s over.It’s all over.My sex drive is in the toilet.I haven’t even touched myself and you know how much I like orgasms!My kitty is dry and sore…I need lubricant,” she spat out the offensive syllables.“All the time, Aaron!I haven’t had a period in three months, which I used to think would be great, but it’s not because I’m crying all the time, and I don’t even like plants all that much.You know?The kids don’t need me, you don’t want me, I don’t even want me,” she sputtered with a watery gasp.
“Menopause?”I asked, my laggy brain struggling to make sense of her flood of emotions.“Is this about menopause?”
“Yes!”She struggled to get up, but I tucked her back in.
“Stay,” I urged as I cuddled her close.“Stay here with me.”
“Kay,” she murmured brokenly, settling back against me as she continued.“I’m not sleeping well.I’m overtired.My brain is whirring all the time.I feel like my life is over.We had the best sex life and now it’s over.”Her hand fisted in my shirt.“I don’t know what I want or even who I am anymore.”
I rubbed slow, steady, circles over her back.
She continued quietly, her voice a mere murmur.“And I don’t feel like I know you anymore, either.”
I drew in a deep breath, knowing I could not spill all over her in the condition she was in.The sense of relief brought me low, my opinion of myself sinking by the day.Still, I could tell her something.
“There have been a few issues at work.I’ll tell you about it but first I want to hear more about what you’re going through.I know we haven’t been having sex much, but I thought it was because you were grieving.”
She wiped her cheeks with her free hand.“It’s just menopause.”
“It sounds horrible,” I admitted.
Pressing her cheek against my chest, she nodded.“It is.It really is.”
