Page 51 of Slayer Mom
“When we get to the docks, you will take care of the mindless horde while we guard you against any other dangers.”
“Sure. You couldn’t help me kill the zombies?”
“It is beneath me.”
“But it isn’t beneath you to protect the person who is killing the zombies?”
“That is my assignment. I am never better than my assignment.”
“Unless you were assigned to be the exterminator?”
She gave me a humorless smile. “I would be grateful for the Grand Master’s faith in me.”
“What does that mean?”
“He hasn’t had a good exterminator for a verylong time. It’s a tedious assignment that is hard to do with dedication for more than a decade.”
“So it’s a burn-out job. Maybe he should get more than one.”
“There is an exterminator in every major city.”
“But all of them suck?”
“They do enough not to call the personal attention of the Grand Master, but he has been very distracted the last few decades.”
From Tom stealing his serum, no doubt. We parked, and I pulled out my packet of pleather and rainbow feather awesomeness.
“I need to get in my slayer outfit.”
She looked down at the packet and then got out of the car, along with all the other vampires who faced away so I could change in privacy. The clothes stank, and when I got out, so did I. I buckled my knife harness on my calf and then walked over to the end of the dock, nice and slow so the scent of my marked clothing could waft all over the place. It wasn’t just nutmeg, but zombie guts and other appetizing things. The scent grew, like the clothing could jumpstart my own nutmeg scent.
I was followed by the bodyguards, three to my left and three to my right. When I neared the end of the dock, the sound of the water was almost relaxing. My scent was ripe. Maybe I should invest in nose plugs. I noticed some of the vampires wrinkling their noses and facing upwind so they could cleanse their olfactory glands.
I turned and walked back towards the car, ambling slowly to give the zombies time to gather. When I got to the car, I walked around for a bit before turning back towards the dock. I spent the next twenty minutes wandering around. Was this how it was like for most exterminators, walking around? Honestly, itwasn’t that bad a gig. I could do this all night for a decade, longer if I personally didn’t smell so strongly. Had the zombies learned better than to attack me after the last time with the Master? Great. That indicated that zombies would be less likely to attack in the same place in the future, including my house.
“Do you know any of the zombie queen’s people?” I asked the woman. “Also, do you have a name I can call you?”
“I am Brika. Are you suggesting that I consort with the Master’s enemies?”
“I’m suggesting that you know the Master’s enemies. I want to know them better so I can kill them the next time they come tap-dancing into my kitchen.”
“Ah. You tried to kill one of the Queen’s favorites? I don’t suppose that went well for you.”
“I cut his suit, which irritated him, but otherwise, no, not particularly well. So, how do I kill them? Are they all the same or do some have certain weaknesses that others don’t have? The one who came and led the zombies last time, he kept saying, ‘I’m late, I’m late,’ so I guess he was the white rabbit? Although his suit was more gray than white, and his skin kind of a chalky green. He did have long pointed ears, though.”
“You would have to be extremely fast to kill the white rabbit. How would you kill him?”
Another vampire answered, which was weird because I’d kind of thought that none of them had tongues or something. “Fillet and consume. It would be an unpleasant dish, but it could be done.”
“Shivery flesh,” another vamp said in agreement.
Shiver my flesh, but that reminded me of the Grand Master eating the blobby thing in my side. “So, I could kill him by eating him? That sounds incredibly time consuming.”
The shivery flesh vamp laughed. He was a black guy with pointed ears, and all of his teeth were sharp, not just his canines. “You couldn’t eat him. You’d get infected and turned after eating just a few ounces.”
“Ah. That’s good to know. So, how would I kill him?”
“You’d have to catch him, separate him from the Queen’s preservation power, not certain how you’d do that, but maybe sticking him in a tank of saltwater for a few decades would work, then wait until he started to disintegrate, and then kill him the same way you exterminate zombies.”
