Page 104 of Fault Lines
I’d told myself I’d come to terms with not having children, at least not the traditional way. But there were still other options. We could adopt; we could try surrogacy. We had the resources. He’d never said a child had to be biologically mine. I didn’t understand what kept Cam from pursuing it.
“Cam?” I finally whispered.
He blinked and turned to me as if waking from a dream. “Yeah, babe?”
“We’ve been in here a while.”
He glanced around. “Guess we have. Let’s get lunch—I’m starving.”
Just like that, he was on to the next thing. As if he hadn’t been staring through that painting and seeing his whole lost future. Like it had never happened. Like his desire wasn’t written all over his face.
I followed him out, and we walked to a cute little bistro down the block. We ordered, and he nursed his beer while we waited for the food.
“Cam?” I started, careful.
“Hmm?” His eyes were on his phone for a second, then back on me.
“What if we tried adoption? Or surrogacy?” I twisted my napkin, nerves prickling along my spine.
He barely looked up. “What about it?”
“We could do it. Either one. The longer we wait, the harder it’ll be. My eggs may not work, but we could use your sperm, so the baby would be part of you. I’d be the only outsider, and honestly, that doesn’t bother me…”
He interrupted, “Really? It wouldn’t matter that the baby wasn’t physically part of you, even if it was part of me?”
I shook my head. “No, it wouldn’t. What matters is loving the child. DNA isn’t important to me.”
He studied me, chewing that over. Before he could respond, the waitress brought our plates.
“So, surrogacy.” He took a thoughtful bite of his sandwich.
“I think I’d prefer that. If we need to use donated eggs, that’s fine too—I’d just want to avoid the surrogate being biologically related to the baby. Just to keep things simple, you know? No messy legal battles down the line.” I sipped my tea, feeling a little flicker of hope. Cam wasn’t shutting down the conversation this time; maybe we were finally turning a corner. Maybe this could be our answer—not the big family he’d once imagined, but maybe two or three kids, if things worked out.
He glanced at his phone when it buzzed and frowned at the message.
“You okay?” I asked.
He shrugged, took another swig of beer. “I think surrogacy could work for us. I’ve actually been meaning to bring it up. I just wasn’t sure when.”
“So what changed?” I pressed. “I feel like I tried to have this talk before, but you weren’t interested.”
He looked away. “I guess… something just shifted. I see things differently now. It could be good for us.”
I smiled. The lump in my chest loosened a little. Maybe with Cam warming to this idea, he’d also be ready to move past the rest. Maybe he’d finally be ready to end our arrangement. I tried not to think about what that might mean for Nate. I could process that another time.
Suddenly, Cam’s phone rang loud enough to make me jump. He stared at the screen for a long moment, lips pressed tight, before silencing it.
“If you have to take that, go ahead,” I told him.
He shook his head and tucked it away, but I could see his thoughts were already gone, somewhere else.
“Livi, there’s something I want to talk about. About the night of our anniversary.”
My fork slipped from my hand and clattered onto the plate. I’d waited so long for him to open up, and now, of all times, he wanted to talk about this?
“Okay,” I said quietly. I steeled myself, bracing for whatever was coming.
He looked miserable, eyes darting everywhere but at me.
