Page 20 of Fault Lines
I smiled at her loyalty. “You’re the best, Rach.”
“Darn right I am.”
“Bye.”
I hung up, put the phone down, picked it up again, checked for a message.
Nothing. And of course there wouldn’t be. He was busy, and I was here, hollowed out and alone. It was so unfair.
I scrambled upstairs, jammed myself into workout clothes. I hated jogging, but it had to be better than sitting here marinating in my own thoughts.
It was nearly dark when I set off, but I kept going, round and round the block, three times, my breath ragged and desperate. By the time I came back, the street was pitch black. I let myself in, barely coming to a stop before stripping straight into the shower, dumping my sticky clothes on the floor.
I stood under the cold spray as long as I could stand it, trying to douse the heat out of my skin, then turned it hot and let my body turn pink.
When I stepped out, it was 10:30.
He’d be at a hotel by now. He had to be. There was no escaping it.
I snatched my phone and called him. Five rings, voicemail. Again, this time it cut off at two. Third time, he’d shut his phone off.
I sat on the edge of the bed, towel around me, hair dripping, full of nothing but grief. Was this it? Was this what we’d become? Was I just a switch he could flip off and on whenever he wanted? There only when he needed me?
I barely got dressed. I just lay down and stared at the wall, waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting.
It must have been after midnight when I heard him come in. I didn’t even lift my head. The lamp was still on, as was the bathroom light.
“Livi?” I heard him come closer, hesitant. “Are you awake?”
I looked at him, flat and blank.
“What are you doing in a towel? I told you not to wait up.” He sounded tired.
I forced myself upright. “I called you.”
His jaw clenched. “I know. You shouldn’t have.”
I couldn’t stop the words tumbling out. “Were you with her when I called? Did you have to pull out to shut your phone off?”
“Don’t, Livi. Don’t do this. You can’t say you’re angry. We talked about this.”
“Did you really do it?” I asked, the words spilling out before I could stop them. “Did you actually ruin us?”
“Baby, don’t do this.” His voice broke as he dropped to his knees in front of me. “I won’t lie. Yes, I did. But it wasn’t anything; it was just a way to quiet the ache. You know I love you, only you, always.”
The sobs wracked through me, sharp and sudden. I scrambled off the bed, desperate to keep away from him, but he followed, reaching for me; I shoved him back, hard.
“How could you? How could you do that to us?”
“Livi, stop.” His hands hovered, helpless. “It’s not as bad as it looks. Just calm down.”
“I don’t want to calm down!” The words tore from my throat as I pounded my fists against his chest, over and over. “You’ve ruined everything! I can’t do this anymore!”
I folded, knees giving way, collapsing to the floor with my arms clutching tight around my legs. There was nothing left to fight with. I had been wrong. I should have known I couldn’t handle this. I thought it would be easier than losing him, but it was exactly the same. I’d lost him anyway.
