Page 23 of Fault Lines
“I’m sorry, Livi, but you need to see this for what it is. He’s only getting away with this because he knows how much you love him. That you’ll do anything for him. Even if it means swallowing your pain. You feel like you owe it to him, because you can’t give him the family he wants. So you’re punishing yourself.”
“I don’t think I deserve that,” I said quietly.
“You don’t. But most women would have shown him the door the moment he mentioned opening the marriage. I know I would’ve.”
I ducked my head, pressing fists to my forehead. “I know. I wish I wasn’t so weak.”
“You’re not weak, Livi. Don’t ever say that. You’re just lost in him, that’s all. And he does love you. I’ve always thought that. He just loves you in this stupid, twisted way that leaves you bleeding.”
“But not enough to stop hurting me,” I said, voice shrinking.
“I don’t think he does it to hurt you,” Rachel said. “He really believes it’s the only way he’ll find his way back to you. Men are idiots like that. They’ll turn the world upside down instead of just sitting in their pain.”
That made me laugh, bitter and real. “You’re right.”
She pat my leg briskly and bounced to her feet. “Let’s get food. There’s a new sushi spot down the street I want to try.”
We walked in silence, both of us caught up in private weather. At the table, soy sauce already pooled on my plate, I checked my phone: three missed texts from Cam.
Where are you baby?
Did you go on a food run? I’m starved.
I shook my head softly. The irony was almost more than I could take.
Please hurry. I’m excited to spend time with you tonight.
Unbelievable. I’d begged months for his attention, scraped for scraps. Now, the moment I’m gone, he acts ravenous for it.
I shoved the phone deep in my pocket and reached for another piece of sushi; today, a plain California roll, comforting in its simplicity.
“Cam?” Rachel asked, eyebrow arched.
“He’s home, on time for once, wondering where I am.”
“Are you telling him?”
“No,” I said. “I don’t want to talk to him.”
I opened the soy sauce, dousing the roll. A tiny act of rebellion.
“You can’t hide from him forever.”
“I know. But I can right now.”
Rachel laughed, unwrapping her own knot of sashimi, something elegant and mysterious I couldn’t even pronounce.
“I got a job offer,” I blurted over the chopsticks.
Her expression brightened at once. “That’s amazing! Where?”
“A bookstore. They sell antiques too. It’s kind of far, but I could walk.”
“Is that what you want to do?”
I shrugged. “Why not? I’m not chasing money. Cam has plenty. But I need to start learning how to stand on my own. Just in case…” The words faded.
“Just in case you and Cam don’t make it.” She finished it for me, gentle.
