Page 118 of Fault Lines
Upstairs, I pulled a suitcase from the closet and rolled it onto the unmade bed.
“Sorry it’s a mess. Housework isn’t my strong suit lately.”
It really wasn’t; laundry everywhere, dust on the nightstands. I resisted the urge to gather up his things and clean, the way I used to. That wasn’t who I was to him anymore.
I started pulling clothes off hangers, stacking them on the bed and folding them into the case, piece by piece.
“Still no luck finding a place?” he asked.
I shook my head, still working. “Rent is crazy right now. I can’t afford much on my own.”
He looked at me, careful and quiet. “You have money, Livi. Half of what’s mine is yours.”
I paused long enough to meet his eyes. “I get that. But I didn’t earn it. You worked for it. I don’t want to take it just because we happened to be married.”
“Wearemarried,” he said. “And you are entitled to it. You kept our home and you’re my partner in life. You’re my heart. You deserve your half and I want you to have it.”
I was gathering up the last bit of clothes from the closet, folding them as neatly as I could before adding them to my suitcase.
“I appreciate that, Cam,” I replied. “I really do. But I want to do things on my own. I need to—I guess I need to know that I can. I went straight from college to living with you and I’ve never actually been on my own. I think I just want to prove to myself that I can be independent, even if it’s on a retail salary.”
I heard his shoulders slump behind me. He didn’t say anything right away, but I could feel the disappointment radiating from him. It was in his nature to care for me; he’dbeen looking after me since the day we met, in small ways and big ones. Maybe he’d even liked being the provider. Now, I was taking that away from him too. I hated hurting him, and I hated disappointing him, but it had to be done. I thought of Lacey and the baby growing inside her, and I forced myself to stay strong. There was no going back—not to how we’d been before.
“You never answered my question before,” he said suddenly.
“What question?”
“Has he asked you to move in with him? Nate?”
I shook my head, a handful of underwear fisted in my hand as I opened the suitcase again.
“He hasn’t.”
“Are you still seeing him?”
I hesitated, not wanting to get into it, but I couldn’t bring myself to lie. “I am.”
“I’m not seeing anyone. I haven’t since before you left.”
I looked up at him, just for a second. The hopefulness on his face made my chest ache, but he needed to hear the truth.
“You should. You should move on, Cam. You can be with Lacey if you want—you three can be a family together after the divorce. You should be a real presence for your child.”
“I can be that without being with her. I don’t want anyone but you, Livi. I won’t be with anyone else.”
A lump formed in my throat. If only he’d felt like that before.
“You should, though. I’m going to keep seeing Nate. There’s no going back for us, Cam. I’m sorry. I love you, but—”
He cut me off. “Do you? Love me?”
“Of course. You’ve been my whole life for so long. That doesn’t just… stop.”
“Then give us another chance. I can change. Iamchanging. We can go to therapy together. I’m working out my problems. I can be better. For you.”
“You should be better for yourself, Cam. For you and for your child. So you can raise him or her as best you can. It’s too late for us.”
“I don’t believe that,” he said, and his voice cracked as his eyes filled with tears. “I messed up. I know that. But please don’t throw our love away because of one hiccup on the stratosphere. It willneverhappen again.”
