Page 4 of Pike
My eyes opened in the darkness and found Gemma’s adorable face inches from mine, concern etched in green eyes just like mine and Faith’s. “Mommy’s okay, baby. Thank you for waking me.”
“I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you, Gemma. With all my heart.” I kissed the top of her head, holding her until her breathing evened out and she was deep in the land of dreams. I hoped the things that invaded my daughter’s sleep were more pleasant, that she held no residual memories of the first three years of her life.
Sleep never claimed me again as I held my daughter, watching the clouds float by until the sun streaked the sky, marking the start of a new day.
Chapter Four
Pike
Rage, white hot and blinding, consumed me. Inside the confines of my apartment I unleashed it all. The guilt. The anger. The rage. The sadness. The breathless grief that sometimes took my legs out from under me. My fists slammed holes in the walls with grating satisfaction. Lamps that I never used shattered on impact. Breaking shit was therapeutic or so they said but so far it hadn’t helped. My place was a fucking wreck, my blood was half booze at this point, and my anger hadn’t subsided.
I was sadder than a motherfucker and anger was my only outlet. I never felt this crushing sadness in my life, not even when we lost our parents because they’d been gone years before they finally died. Technically my old man had been gone my whole life, but Ash’s dad raised me like his own—when he was sober—even after she’d come along. Ash was my best friend. My baby sister.
“And now she’s fucking worm food.”
Saying that shit out loud gutted me and brought me to my knees, but I wasn’t done weaving my path of destruction just yet. I scanned the living room where most of the shit not heavy or nailed down had been thrown against the wall, until I found something else to throw. It didn’t make anything fucking better but it sure as fuck gave my anger somewhere to go.
Somewhere other than at Chloe.
“Fuckin’ Chloe.” Every goddamn time I closed my eyes there she was with those big green eyes, brimming with tears, just taking my anger and my bullshit. A primal roar escaped, and I reached for the first thing I touched, a plain brown box. I lifted it easily over my head and smashed it against the wall, watching with grim satisfaction as it cracked open and spilled its guts all over my floor.
“Fuck it!”
It wasn’t just some random fucking box, because of course it wasn’t. I’d lived in this place for years, all the boxes I moved in with were gone. This was one of the boxes Faith and T-Bone had packed up so I wouldn’t have to go to Ash’s place. I glared at the items as they fell to the floor one by one. Sketchpads, oil paintings, drawings, art supplies, and journals. And scarves. She had so many fucking scarves. She wore them around her hair, as belts, bracelets, hairbands, whatever she could. They were colorful and so many of them were ugly as fuck, but god, they reminded me of her.
I grabbed the red and green one, wrapping it around the leather cuff on my wrist. I had no fucking clue what I’d do with all those scarves, but for now, I shoved them back in the box. As I was gathering them up I found an envelope addressed to me. It was written in Ash’s loopy handwriting.
Curious yet hesitant, I opened the envelope and inside there was a flash drive and another envelope with my name on it. I shoved the letter in my back pocket, not ready to soak up her last words yet. But the flash drive was useless because my laptop was one of the many casualties of my drunken rage.
“Motherfucker!”
Suddenly the only thing that mattered was whatever was on that fucking flash drive. My anger surged because I couldn’t watch itright now, dammit.
I knew it was a bad idea to get on my bike in the state I was in, but it had to be important. Ash left it in an envelope specifically for me and that made it really fucking important. She usually just left me a text or sent a voice note if she wanted me to know something, but this was different.
***
I made it to the clubhouse in one piece and stormed inside, making a beeline for Slate. “You’re always in this goddamn room,” I grumbled.
He turned and gave me a smirk. “You got a problem with how I spend my free time?”
“Nope, but I’m sure your woman wouldn’t mind having you at home.”
He flashed a smile at the mention of his woman. “Emma’s at work and Ashlyn is off making trouble with Leo.” He studied me for a long minute, silently judging, at least that’s what it felt like. “You okay? Besides the Ash shit, I mean.”
I shrugged. “Not sure there is ever gonna be abesides the Ash shitin my life. But she left me something.” I pulled out the flash drive and held it between us.
His eyebrows shot up. “You don’t know how to stick a flash drive into a computer?”
I rolled my eyes, letting out a heavy sigh. “I broke my laptop.” His brows shot up even higher. “Okay, I fucking smashed it. You gonna help me or not?”
Slate snatched it from my hands and plugged it in, but Diesel and Rocky entered the room followed by Hawk, Maverick, and Sniper. “What’s going on?”
Diesel leaned against the wall beside Slate, his gaze focused on those of us already gathered in the office and the others as they filtered inside. Eventually he settled his gaze on me, and I felt like I’d fucked up. Again. He spoke, “Learned something interesting from Chloe.”
I shoved my hands into my pockets, swallowing hard. If she lied about me, I’d make her regret it.
