Page 34 of Relentless Hearts
Rhae’s expression said she understood.
“I couldn’t mourn her properly.” The words poured out now. “Couldn’t even acknowledge what she’d meant to me…because officially, we were just colleagues. Just another pilot lost in the line of duty.”
“But she was more than that to you.”
“She was everything.” The admission felt like ripping off a bandage. “And when she died, I wondered if it was because our secret was a distraction to her. That my feelings for her clouded her judgment somehow.”
“Is that what you really believe?”
Decker was quiet for a long moment, really considering the question instead of just giving the answer he thought she wanted to hear. “No,” he said finally. “I don’t think my feelings for her got her killed. Delilah was as professional as they came. No way was she thinking about anything in that cockpit but her mission. But I think the guilt and the grief and the fact that I couldn’t process any of it properly is what broke me.”
Something loosened in his chest as he said it, like a weight he’d been carrying had finally been lifted. He’d talked about Delilah. He’d said her name out loud, acknowledged what she’d meant to him, and the world hadn’t ended.
Long moments passed between him and Rhae, giving Delilah a moment of silence.
“How do you feel right now?” Rhae asked after a while.
“Lighter.” He was surprised how true it was. “Like I’ve been holding my breath for months and can finally exhale.”
“And how do you feel about going back into the field?”
“Ready.” The answer came without hesitation. “More than ready. I’ve been looking forward to it.”
“Even after what happened with Delilah?”
“Especially after what happened with Delilah.” He sat back, searching for his words, needing to explain this part properly. “I couldn’t talk to my family about any of this. They’re all Navy—father, uncles, cousins. Stiff upper lip, carry on, don’t show weakness. That’s how I was raised.”
“And that doesn’t work for you anymore?”
“It never really worked for me. I’ve been avoiding them since I got out, because I knew they wouldn’t understand why I couldn’t just shake it off and move on.” He looked at her directly. “But being here, being accepted by people who do understand what it’s like…it feels like a new chance. Maybe that’s disloyal to my family.”
“You don’t love your original family any less.”
“No. But this is a different dynamic. One where I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not.”
Rhae smiled, the first real smile he’d seen from her in months. “I feel comfortable saying you’re ready for field work, Decker. The question is…what about Willow?”
The question caught him off guard. “What about her?”
“You’ve made remarkable progress, but if I’m being honest, I don’t think it started happening until she became part of the equation.”
He was quiet, processing that observation. She was right, of course. He’d been treading water for months until Willow had started stapling him back together, literally and figuratively.
“I didn’t have any reason to move forward until her,” he admitted. “I mean, I could have done this work for myself eventually. But she was the catalyst.”
“And now?”
He met her stare with a direct one of his own. “I want to be the kind of man who can protect what matters most. Now I want to be worthy of her.”
Rhae stood up, gathering her untouched notepad. “Then let’s go tell the team you’re ready.”
The walk back to the office felt different this time. Instead of the death march nervousness from the day before, Decker felt full of energy and purpose. Like he was finally movingtowardsomething instead of running away from it.
The brothers were waiting in the office, and Decker could tell from their expressions that this was the moment. The official moment.
“He’s field ready,” Rhae announced without preamble.
Carson leaned back in his chair, studying Decker’s face. Then he gained his feet and stepped forward, hand extended. “Welcome to the team.”
