Page 153 of The Widower
I could tell the man was close to tears after hearing that.
I know I’d gone too far during the time he was in prison—I know I was a piece of shit, humiliating him, even mistreating him while he was locked up. But that wasn’t the only reason I’d come here; I needed to do something hard, something I never imagined I would do… not with him.
“This is… very important to me.I was wrong, and there isn’t a single day I don’t regret what I did.I’m sorry, Colin. I was directly responsible for two deaths, and I ruined your life.I ruined your life, and—”
“No.” I smiled, cutting him off. “You didn’t ruin my life.At first I thought you did.”
I paused for a few seconds and looked up, remembering everything that had happened to me. Maddison, Jeniffer…
“I learned to value what I have, and I did it the hardest way possible. I never considered myself a good man—far from it. I’ve always held grudges, been vengeful, and I think you know that. I hated God and cursed myself for everything that happened, but now I’m okay with myself. What happened wasn’t my fault.”
We sat in silence for a while. Speaking almost normally with him was still hard, but I had to do something—more precisely, I had to say something.
“I know I’ve said this many times already, but please forgive me for everything I did.” He lowered his head.
“Yes. I… forgive you.”
Yes — those were the words I had rehearsed in my head to say to the man who killed my wife and my daughter, and yes, it’s fucking hard to say them to someone who once lived in my head as the worst possible image.
I can admit that before, I only wanted five minutes alone with him in a room to kill him some way, make him suffer like he’d made me suffer, but strangely I had changed.
“This… is serious?” He turned his attention back to me, surprised.
“Yes. We can’t go back, and what happened can’t be undone. It’s hard for me, and saying these words is even harder, but it’s the right thing, and I want to be at peace with myself. I need to take care of my son, give him a good upbringing, and move on with my life remembering the good times I had with both Jeniffer and Maddison.”
“I… I don’t even know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything.”I stood up. “I hope you find peace. We all make mistakes, but now I know remorse can outweigh pain in some cases, and you may be suffering even more than I am for what you did.”
At that moment he began to cry uncontrollably, and I just watched him for a few seconds.
Forgiving the man who killed your daughter isn’t easy, especially when you still carry hatred for him in some way.On top of everything, he used to be a man I respected—a best friend once. But I know it’s the right thing to do.
“I hope one day you can be at peace.”
“Thank you, Colin. This meant a lot to me.”
I didn’t need to say anything else.I walked away. I still had one more place to go.I needed to forgive one more person...
At the cemetery, I made my way to my daughter’s grave, just like I always did.
I brought flowers and placed them carefully on her tombstone, staring at the picture in front of me.
Every time I came here, I cried—and today was no different. I missed Maddison, and that ache… time would never erase it. Maybe, with the years, it would soften, but I couldn’t even say that with certainty.
“Sweetheart… I miss you so much.” I sat down beside her grave, wrapping my arm around the tombstone in the strangest, clumsiest way—but I didn’t care. “I know you’re in a better place, watching over me.”
I looked up at the sky and closed my eyes, trying to feel something—any kind of presence—but there was only silence.
“I’ll never forget the moments we had together. They’ll stay with me, always—in my heart, in my memory. I promise. I’ll take care of your brother; he misses you more than you know. And I want you to know I’m not replacing you. I know Hanna isn’t my daughter, but deep down, I see her as one. I think you’d want me to be happy—and for the first time, I’m starting to find a little bit of joy again.”
I paused, running my fingers over Maddison’s picture. “You’ll always be with me, my love. I love you so much, Maddison.”
I stayed there for several minutes, crying again, letting the emotions take me wherever they wanted.Today was a hard day for me—but a necessary one.
After a while, I stood and moved a few steps to the side.There was still something left to do.
“I never really talked to you.” I looked down at Jeniffer’s headstone.“The anger I carried in my chest was too heavy for words.I won’t lie—it still hits me sometimes, when I remember everything you did. But now, I’m trying to be a better person. And the right thing to do is forgive you.”
