Page 11 of Heart Shaped Wreckage
Alone was good. It was for the best.
5
LANDON
My head felt as if it had been filled with cotton. All sound died. All light was extinguished. My breath caught in my throat as my heartbeat slowed to nothing.
A pinprick of light, so far away on the periphery that it might have been an illusion. My body felt as if it were tumbling in slow motion through nothing and perhaps everything at the same time. I knew no dimensions or universe.
I knew nothing.
The pinprick of light was getting smaller. What did that mean?
Ah… I was falling backward and could not see where I was going.
The cat… What was his name? There was also a… bird? Why would that be… It was weird, wasn’t it?
I should turn around so I could see where I was going. But I didn’t. A little voice inside my head told me to stay where I was – it was where I was meant to be. This was no accident, even if it were a surprise. This was still a journey that I had to make… But I could no longer remember why.
My body felt like it was decompressing. It wasn’t painful, just weird and uncomfortable, as my skin and flesh shrunk into itself as I tumbled backward into nothing and maybe everything… How was I to know? I mean, how could I know? I didn’t have eyes in the back of my head, did I?
I…
What was I saying?
Eyes? I reached up and felt my face. I had eyes. But it was dark and I couldn’t see.
What was I…
Oh…
My eyelids were so heavy… My brain was too foggy to… God… what was I… Who was I… Why was I… Darkness took me.
I wokeup to a bird cawing loudly. Stupid thing… Birds were dumb.
The sky was full of white fluffy things… Clouds… Gosh, had I fallen asleep here?
Maybe this was where I always slept, and I had just forgotten. God… What else had I forgot?
I sat up and scratched my head.
I didn’t really know anything. Huh… I should at least have a name, right? Didn’t things have a name? I knew it was a bird in the sky. But… I didn’t know who or where I was.
That was odd, right? Or was it normal? I was just born, so I guess I didn’t have a lot to go on. I couldn’t really trust what I thought… Cause… Well, I…
Who was I?
I wasn’t a child. I could tell by the size of my hands. I had adult hands. Adult! There was another word I knew. Why were there some things I knew and others I didn’t?
I was an adult and I was a… guy? Man! Yes, I was a man. But what if I was wrong about all of this? I really shouldn’t think that I knew anything until there was someone around to tell me I was right. How would I know if I was ever right or not? I needed someone to tell me, didn’t I?
Did I?
I was pretty sure that I was an adult man. I mean… If I weren’t, why else would I even think it, right?
I looked down and grabbed my penis. There! Penis! I knew that word, and I also knew the word cock. I squeezed it through my shirt – no, pants. My shirt was on top and was white and… It had a small tear.
Words – language was happening in my brain, so… I wasn’t stupid. Maybe I had been hit on the head, and that’s why I didn’t know anything more about myself. I knew I should know something… But maybe I wasn’t supposed to. Maybe I was new and born this way for a purpose.
