Page 4 of Heart Shaped Wreckage
But I wasn’t God. I was just a mortal. I aged more slowly than most, but sadly, I did age. My powers would not keep death from my door. One day, I would have to stand in front of my maker and answer for the actions of my life.
What you put out into the world one day would return tenfold. Myles would get his reckoning one day. The rules of Karma were very similar to the rules of magic. An intertwining of different faiths that shared many similar rules. I had seen spells backfire on the caster too many times in my young life. I was careful – too careful, probably.
I balled up my clothes and threw them in the corner pile that I had ignored for months. At this point, if I ever did get my shit together, I needed to hire a cleaner to come in. I had ignored everything. I had to move forward. I just wish someone would tell me how.
If I could forget about him, my life would be great. Who needs the friends that I didn’t choose? I’d find others. I was cute as shit, usually. I could be pretty again. I just had to stop thinking about him.
The water hit my skin, and I shuddered as I looked at the mire that had caked onto my arms from the basement. Potion ingredients and dirt… I was gross. I shampooed my hair and then grabbed my loofa before rubbing my skin to a pretty pink. I was so clean I almost glowed. Of course, it took me a long time to get it all off. My hot water heater was being forced to keep up.
Forget him… maybe that was the answer.
The real question was – could I do it?
There was a way…
2
HEATH
Leath is not the worst place in the world to get lost. It’s a small village in Massachusetts, about thirty minutes from the coast and only a short drive from the New Hampshire border. It’s quaint and has delicious seafood. The crab and lobster are always amazing, and I love crustaceans. It’s the one meat I can eat as a human and not feel bad about.
Who am I? That is a very loaded question that could shake the foundation of humanity if they knew the truth. I pulled the newly bought diary that I acquired to record much of my life from the shelf. There needed to be a record of those of us who walked between worlds. If I didn’t do it – who would? I put pen to paper and sighed heavily as the past flooded through me.
I walk through my life hiding who I am. I’ve been many things. Some of them are older than civilization. Once I was beautiful. I glowed with majesty and soared through the heavens, the cosmos, until I made a decision that changed everything. I followed Lucifer, and I fell. My wings burned as I plummeted to the ground. A never-ending fall that took away all of my grace and beauty. I was left shriveled and horrid. My beautiful skin had changed into a furry monster. I stared atmy brothers and sisters, once the most beautiful beings in the universe, all had become monstrous and terrifying. Horns jutted out of their bodies and faces. Some wore the skin of reptiles.
We were lost and horrified. Some stayed on the Earth, and others followed Lucifer once again into the pits of Hell, where we had been banished.
I stayed. I roamed the barren plains. I saw the birth of the animal kind and humans. I watched curiously and discovered the wolf – an animal who looked so much like me. I wandered and eventually discovered hunger and other emotions I had never experienced when I was one of the chosen. Pain, sadness, loneliness, anger – but unlike some of my brothers and sisters, I kept my compassion and love. They kept me grounded as I sadly remembered who I once was. I despaired of the past and feared the future.
I slowly became tired as the essence of God slowly leached from my soul, destroying the connection we had always shared. I slept in caves, and sometimes slept for eons as the world turned without me. I’d awake and find myself changed once again. The monster had grown, and my original form shriveled until there was nothing left of the past.
Every deep sleep brought on another change.
With every sleep, I lost more of who I was until I became a wild thing among other wild things.
Humanity flourished. They left their caves and began to build and cultivate the land. I paid little attention to them. They were there to satisfy my hunger – nothing else. They were nothing more than animals to me. But soon, their thatched roofs gave way to cities, and stone buildings were erected.
It was at this time that one of my fallen family found me as I preyed upon the weak. Their weapons had little effect upon me, and I satisfied my needs with their flesh. I was lost. I had becomethe monster I saw in myself and had lost all hope. The beast had won.
Lamass found me. She had been one of my family when we soared in the skies. She brought me back into the world and showed me that I was still imbued with a small part of my godly essence. I could shift form – from beast to man. It hurt, and I screamed with the pain as my body broke and knit itself back together. Fur became flesh, and my claws and teeth withdrew. I stared at my human hands – made in the image of the angels, the flesh of the chosen. I laughed madly as she embraced me and took me away from the cave where I hid. The bones of my victims were piled high in the corner. I tried not to think about them. Once I would have been their shepherd, now I had become one of their fears. A story told to warn their people of the beast that preyed in the hills.
Lamass took me far. At night, we shifted into our animal forms, and during the day, we walked beside the tribes, discovering a kindred spirit in humanity. We came across a vast desert and into a place she called Babylon. The stone walls reached almost to the heavens, and there I found a home and a purpose. With Lamass as my guide, the people began to worship us. It was a powerful feeling, and one I did not take lightly. They called us the Lamassa, helpful spirits who answered prayers with their magical abilities. Temples were erected to us over time, and unbeknownst to them, we lived side by side in our human guises. At night, the animal within us took over, and we were worshipped for our strength and power.
Magic… The godly element that I thought had been lost forever was still partly mine to control. I was weak, but with Lamass’s help, I became stronger than I had been since my fall from grace.
I doted upon humanity, no longer feeding and satiating myself with their flesh and blood. Now, as I remembered myself,I wanted to care for them in whatever way they would let me. They were not the wild men I had thought. These people had helped create society and family in a way that I had only thought the angelic had. They truly were mirrors of us, even those who had fallen and lost themselves in chaos, if we could but remember.
For many years, we resided in Babylon and other cities in what was known as Mesopotamia. My magic grew, and I discovered that I could hear the thoughts that the humans had. I bestowed gifts upon them and healed those that I could when they asked. I reveled in my faux godliness and, for a short time, began to believe it. What was time to ones such as ourselves? We would live for eternity, or so we thought.
We saw the writing on the wall as humanity became even greedier and began wars that would end civilization. Our angelic brothers and sisters, those who had not left God’s side, found us and drove us out from one of their chosen cities. It was the last time I ever saw the Heavenly Horde.
Babylon fell, and with it, dark times began for humanity.
But they rebounded, and so did we. No longer gods, but rich mortals who lived lavishly and befriended others like ourselves. The few who had clawed their way back from destruction and still walked the Earth. They told us chilling tales of others who had given up and had faded into the ether of nothingness. What happened to the wretched souls of those who would never know heaven? Did Satan reclaim them for his own? Were they forced into his servitude?
He had destroyed us all with his sweet words and heavenly battle. We heard tales of those who went to Hell with him and how they had lost all of their divine abilities but had gained new ones.
Demon. We had heard the word before. Now we understood who they truly were. Our fallen family – their souls and bodiestwisted by Hell’s fumes forever. They had changed in ways that we hadn’t. Our souls were still a part of us, but theirs had hardened in Hell. They had lost the essence completely, and we still held onto, at least, a part of ours.
