Page 9 of Heart Shaped Wreckage
“I’ve lost the desire to… I eat in the wild, but not them. A deer suffices when I need meat, or I have a lobster. I enjoy seafood. But human? I can’t anymore. I’m not God, Lamass.”
“Neither am I. Who’d want that job? Everyone hates you and asks you for the stupidest things. Can you help my son with his math test? As if God is even listening these days.”
“Do you still feel him sometimes?”
“Only in his temples. He has moved on to something else. I did see Gabriel a few hundred years ago. He sneaked out.”
“I remember.”
“Insufferable asshole. He hasn’t changed in millennia.”
“None of them ever had to.”
“We did.”
“Yes. So, your traveling companion? Is she human?”
“She is. I know that she’s mortal, but I can’t stand being away from her. She excites me and makes every day an adventure with her young eyes.”
“We have seen too much.”
“We’re more than jaded. But I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than I am now. It’s weird, isn’t it? To think of all we’ve done and lived through since we fell. This world has been our only home, and we have lived too many lives here. I’ve begun to wonder if it will ever end.”
“We’ve seen some of our siblings fade. Without the spark from God, perhaps one day we too will end.”
“Perhaps? I’m not sure I care any longer. We did the best that we could, but you know, he holds a grudge. I do not want to have to deal with Lucifer. God, he’s insufferable.”
“Well, it has been thousands upon thousands of years since we last saw him. Maybe he’s changed?”
“Maybe he whines louder than he ever did. If I fade, please just let me be nothing. I don’t want to be in heaven or hell.”
“Why do you think that some of us fade and others do not. I still feel as virile and strong as I ever did.”
“Because we chose to live. We continue to grow and experience life and the world. Those who left us – they quit, and by giving up, their spirit grew weak. There are far too few of us left these days.”
“How can you… She will die, and you will not. How can you stand that?”
“Is this why you have never let yourself love with all your heart? Fear of death? All things die, Magnus. But to not allowyourself to experience the greatest emotion that we possess is fucking sad.”
“I’ve loved. I’ve just never been in love.”
“Lust is not love. A few nights of fucking is not love.”
“Yes… I’m aware that I… Haven’t I known enough pain, Lamass? How would I feel to finally find love and then watch it wither in front of me?”
“It is sad, Magnus… Oh, who is it that you’re wearing? He’s very handsome with the dark hair and deep-set eyes.”
“Heath. They call me Heath here.”
“Heath… It’s a lovely name. A person who lives on uncultivated land like a moor or a heath. Fits you well.”
“What does that mean?”
“Uncultivated like your heart, my dear friend. Don’t you want to know what it feels like? Don’t you need to have it expand your heart until you think it might burst? To love is the greatest way to live.”
“It feels as if we’ve had this conversation before when I wore a different body.”
“We did. We have had it many times. But still, you lock a part of yourself away. One day, you won’t be able to stop it. You will meet the right one, human or not, and they will capture you in a way you’ve never experienced before. It will hurt when they’re not there. You’ll miss them more than you’ve ever missed anyone. You’ll want to share the stupidest thing that you did that day, and every day, because they will be the one you want to share everything with.”
