Page 112 of Perfect Storm
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Aidan said.
“Yeah, dude, you know. You’re . . .like lighter. It’s good. I’m happy for you.”
Part of Aidan—a much tinier part than had existed in early July—wanted to say,yeah, you only knew me eating my heart out over you for so long, you don’t even know what me being happy looks like. But that wasn’t Mo’s fault. It had never been Mo’s fault.
“I feel good,” Aidan said.
Perez hit one of the backup tight ends for a twelve-yard gain, and Aidan listened in on his headset as Zane called in a running play.
Once Aidan’s initial freakout had ended, once he’d actually had a moment to think about what Mo being here meant—and once he’d actually seen him again—he’d relaxed.
Could even say now that this was good. He’d get Mo on the field again, giving him more options in the passing game, and he’d get his friendship off the field. And this time, his brain and his heart wouldn’t be confused about what he wanted or what he was getting. He’d know it was friendship and only friendship.
He was even considering telling him at some point, in the long-off faraway future, about what had happened with Levi. What washappeningwith Levi.
Mo was quiet for a moment. Then he spoke up again. “I actually thought you might not want me here.”
Aidan didn’t know what to say. At least he knew what he shouldn’t say: that at the very beginning, during his initial freakout, he kinda hadn’t.
Zane called another passing play, and Aidan focused on Perez, watching as the ball snapped. It was a good distraction; gave him another twenty seconds to figure out what the fuck he was supposed to say.
It didn’t help. He still didn’t have the words, but he’d try anyway, because Mo was a friend and he deserved some kind of answer.
“I—”
But Mo interrupted him before he could put together a coherent thought that wasn’t a lie. “I know you asked for space. I wanted to give it to you, but when they told me I could come back—it was all I could think about. It was all I wanted. And when Toronto met the Rams’ offer? I just wanted you to be happy about it. ’CauseIwas happy. Feel like I’ve been trying to get back home for ages.”
“You have,” Aidan said.
“So yeah, maybe it was selfish,” Mo said, shrugging. “You can tell me it was selfish.”
“I promise you, it’s okay,” Aidan said, patting him on the shoulder. They’d hugged when Mo had first arrived, but he’d gone out of his way to avoid touching him. For his own peace of mind, but also because he wasn’t stupid. Even if it was only sex to Levi, this had to be awkward for him, too.
But Levi was on the field and wouldn’t be able to see this.
“Good.” Mo looked relieved. “I just . . .I just want things to be the same again.”
“Yeah, me too, bud,” Aidan said and patted him again.
What he didn’t say was that he already knew they wouldn’t ever be the same again. Too many things had changed. He was no longer keeping his feelings secret. Mo knew about them. Then there was Levi. Mo didn’t know about his feelings forhim.
Because Aidan was pretty sure that was what this was. It felt different than it had with Mo. Maybe that was because Mo was such a different person than Levi. Maybe it was the fact he hadn’t pined for ages before actually confessing them.
But Aidan couldn’t deny anymore that he feltsomething.
The third quarter ended, and Levi came off the field, Zane subbing in one of the backup offensive linemen for the last few drives.
Aidan went to check in on him on the bench, not just because he should as the starting QB but because hewantedto.
“Good work out there,” Aidan said as he approached.
Levi glanced up as he shot a stream of Gatorade in his mouth.
Aidan had spent way too many fucking years around sweaty guys, but he had to admit he’d never found it appealing. Not once, not until now.
Now, he wanted to lean in and lick the sweat off Levi’s tanned neck.
“Thanks,” Levi said.
