Page 39 of Dr. Lillian Harrington
Lillian wiped at her eyes, nodding slowly. "I don’t know if I’m ready to let go. But I also don’t know if I can keep doing this."
Olivia nodded, her hand still resting on Lillian’s. "That’s okay. It’s not about making a decision right this second. It’s about recognizing that you deserve better. And when you’re ready, you’ll know what to do."
They sat in silence for a moment, the weight of the conversation settling between them. Olivia’s presence was steady, grounding, and for the first time in a long time, Lillian felt like she wasn’t alone in this. She had her sister, her family, and maybe, just maybe, she didn’t have to carry the burden of Rebecca’s emotional distance all on her own.
"Thank you, Liv," Lillian whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that."
Olivia smiled softly, her eyes filled with warmth. "That’s what sisters are for."
Lillian leaned her head against Olivia’s shoulder, the tears drying on her cheeks as she let out a deep, calming breath. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do about Rebecca or how things would unfold between them, but for the first time, she felt like she had the strength to face it.
And that, thanks to Olivia, was enough for now.
14
REBECCA
Rebecca stood beside Tessa, her ex, but it felt like she was miles away. The bustling hallway of the hospital was a blur around them, doctors and nurses moving past like background noise. Tessa had always been effortlessly charming, always the center of attention wherever she went, and today was no different. She stood confidently in front of Rebecca, talking animatedly about old times, her voice laced with flirtation, but Rebecca barely registered the words.
Inside, Rebecca felt like she was crumbling. Her brief interaction with Lillian replayed in her mind—how she had looked at her with that wounded expression when Rebecca had referred to her as just another intern. The sting of Lillian’s hurt was sharp, and guilt gnawed at her.
She hadn’t meant it like that. She hadn’t meant to push Lillian away, especially after the night they had shared, a night that had felt more intimate and real than anything Rebecca had experienced in years. But the moment Tessa had appeared, something in her had snapped back into place—the old Rebecca, the one who knew how to compartmentalize, to shut down, to protect herself from emotional exposure.
And now, as Tessa leaned in closer, her perfume subtly filling the air, Rebecca could hardly focus.
"So," Tessa was saying, her voice playful and smooth, "how about we grab a drink sometime? We’re older now, wiser. Maybe we won’t make the same mistakes we did back then."
Tessa's smile was easy, flirtatious, and it would’ve worked on anyone else. But Rebecca’s mind was miles away, stuck on Lillian’s face, the way her eyes had filled with disappointment and confusion.
Rebecca managed a weak smile, nodding absently. "Yeah, sure. We can...catch up."
She barely heard her own words, her agreement automatic, empty. Tessa had once been the woman she thought she’d build something with, but now, as she stood there listening to her talk about their shared past, Rebecca felt nothing but the weight of her own mistakes.
Tessa chuckled, reaching out to touch Rebecca’s arm lightly, a gesture that would have once sent a thrill through her. Now, it just felt hollow.
"Good," Tessa said, her voice teasing. "I’ll hold you to that. It’ll be just like old times."
Rebecca nodded again, forcing a polite smile, but her mind wasn’t in the conversation. She excused herself a few moments later, making some excuse about needing to get back to work, and Tessa waved her off with a wink.
"Don’t forget about that drink," Tessa called after her, her voice light and playful.
Rebecca barely responded, turning on her heel and walking briskly down the hall. Her footsteps echoed in the corridor as she made her way back to her office, each step heavier than the last.
Her heart ached, guilt pressing down on her chest. She hadn’t wanted to hurt Lillian; she never wanted to hurt her. But there was something about being around Tessa that hadtriggered an automatic response in her. Tessa represented the past—the part of her life when Rebecca had been incapable of letting anyone in, when she’d hurt Tessa the same way she was now hurting Lillian.
By the time she reached her office, Rebecca’s head was spinning. She pushed open the door and sank into the chair behind her desk, running a hand through her hair as she tried to steady her breathing.
The office was quiet, sterile. The sound of her computer humming was the only noise breaking the silence, but it did nothing to calm her. She couldn’t stop thinking about Lillian, about how she had pushed her away just when things were starting to feel real.
Rebecca leaned back in her chair, staring up at the ceiling. She had spent so much of her life perfecting the art of emotional distance, of keeping people at arm’s length to protect herself from getting hurt. But now, with Lillian, everything felt different. The walls she had built were crumbling, but every time she got too close, she instinctively rebuilt them—just like she had today.
And it wasn’t fair. Not to Lillian, not to herself.
With a sigh, Rebecca reached for her phone, her fingers hesitating over the screen. She wanted to apologize and explain herself, but the words felt stuck in her throat. How could she explain something that she didn’t fully understand herself? How could she make Lillian understand that her coldness wasn’t a reflection of how she felt, but a defense mechanism she had relied on for years?
She typed out a message, her heart pounding in her chest:I’m sorry.
It felt insufficient, inadequate, but she didn’t know what else to say. She stared at the words, feeling the weight of everythingshe wanted to say but couldn’t. Finally, she hit send, her chest tightening with guilt as the message disappeared into the ether.
