Page 57 of Dr. Lillian Harrington
The thought settled in her mind, and she realized just how long she had been trying to meet impossible expectations—her mother’s, Rebecca’s, even her own. Every mistake felt magnified under the weight of those expectations, every misstep a reminder that she wasn’t enough. She had been running herself ragged trying to be perfect, trying to live up to a legacy that had never felt like her own.
Lillian lifted her head slightly, her eyes focusing on the darkened sky above.I can’t keep doing this, she thought, the realization bringing with it a sense of both fear and freedom.I can’t keep chasing after something I’ll never be.
Her mother’s coldness wasn’t something she could change. Rebecca’s emotional distance wasn’t something she could fix. And the mistakes she had made in the OR, while painful, were part of the learning process. She wasn’t perfect, and she didn’t need to be.
"I’ve been so scared of failing," Lillian murmured, her voice soft, barely louder than a whisper. "I’ve been trying so hard to prove myself, but I don’t think I’ve even been doing it for me."
Olivia shifted slightly, glancing down at Lillian with quiet understanding. "You’ve been trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations," she said gently. "But you don’t have to, Lil. You’re allowed to figure out what you want, what makes you happy."
Lillian nodded, the words sinking in deeply. She had spent so much of her life worrying about what others thought of her—whether she was good enough for her mother, for Rebecca, for the legacy of the Harrington family. But somewhere along the way, she had lost sight of herself.
I need to find my own path. I need to stop chasing after their approval and figure out what I want and who I want to be.
It wouldn’t be easy. The road ahead felt daunting, and she knew there would still be moments where the weight of her family’s expectations would press down on her, where the wounds from her relationship with Rebecca would sting. But Lillian wasn’t going to let it break her. Not anymore.
She took a deep breath, her shoulders relaxing slightly as a quiet resolve settled over her. She didn’t have to have all the answers right now. She didn’t have to be perfect. She just had to keep going, one step at a time, and figure out her own path on her own terms.
With Olivia beside her, offering her quiet support, Lillian felt like she could face whatever was ahead. For the first time in a long time, she didn’t feel completely lost.
"I don’t know what the next step is," Lillian admitted softly, her voice a little steadier now. "But I want to figure it out. I want to heal."
Olivia smiled gently, squeezing Lillian’s hand. "And you will. You’re stronger than you think, Lil. And whatever you decide, I’ll be right here supporting you."
Lillian returned the smile, feeling a flicker of hope rise inside her. The path ahead wasn’t clear, and the wounds from the past few weeks would take time to heal, but she wasn’t alone. And for now, that was enough.
As the cool night air brushed against her skin, Lillian made a quiet but firm promise to herself: she would reclaim her life. She would heal, and she would do it for her, not for anyone else. It was time to start living for herself, to find out what truly mattered to her.
With Olivia by her side, she knew she had someone in her corner. And that gave her the strength she needed to take the first step.
20
REBECCA
Rebecca sat alone in her office, the light from her desk lamp casting a faint glow over the room. Papers were scattered in front of her—medical journals she had tried to focus on for the past hour—but her eyes couldn’t stay fixed on the words. They blurred together, useless. She leaned back in her chair, staring at the ceiling, her thoughts drifting back, again, to Lillian.
It had been weeks since their breakup, and despite her best efforts, Rebecca hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. No matter how many surgeries she performed, no matter how many hours she buried herself in work, the empty space Lillian had once filled gnawed at her. It was a hollow ache she hadn’t anticipated, but one that seemed to grow stronger with each passing day.
She had thought she could handle it and thought that throwing herself into work, into the familiar precision and control of surgery, would help her move on. But it hadn’t. If anything, it had only made the absence of Lillian in her life more glaring, more painful. The warmth that had once softened her edges was gone, leaving behind a coldness that even Rebecca couldn’t ignore.
This is my fault.
The thought struck her with brutal clarity, as it had so many times before. She had pushed Lillian away. She had failed to give Lillian what she needed, failed to be the partner she deserved. Her inability to be vulnerable, to let Lillian see beyond the walls she had spent years constructing, had driven the woman she loved out of her life.
And it wasn’t just in the OR during that fateful surgery where she had been cold. It was everywhere. Every interaction, every moment where Lillian had reached out to her, and she had pulled back. Rebecca could see it now, how her own fear of vulnerability had sabotaged something beautiful and real.
She had pushed away Lillian because she was scared of losing control, of needing her.
Her heart ached at the realization, the weight of her regrets settling heavily in her chest. She had been so afraid of opening up, of letting Lillian in, that she had failed to see how much she was pushing her out. And now, Lillian was gone. And Rebecca was alone.
But the distance hadn’t made things easier. In fact, it had done the opposite. It had made Rebecca realize something crucial, something she hadn’t fully understood until now.
I love her. I need her. I can’t keep living like this.
The truth of it hit her with a sudden force, so powerful that it nearly knocked the breath from her lungs. Rebecca had spent so much time running from her feelings, hiding behind her professionalism, that she had ignored what had been in front of her all along: Lillian had become essential to her life. Her presence had brought light into Rebecca’s world in a way no one else ever had.
And now she was gone because Rebecca had been too afraid to show her how much she meant.
I can’t let this be the end.
