Page 31 of Chained Fate
More good news.And I… don’t feel right about it.
Not happy like I should be.
Not even relieved.
Instead, a heavy pressure is building behind my eyes, and the squeezing tightness descends from my throat into my chest.
I take a breath to combat the suffocating sensation, but my lungs don’t seem to work correctly.So I try again, dragging in whatever air I can.But there’s not enough air.Not even close to enough.My ears ring, my vision blurring as if I were underwater, and I grab Alexei’s hand in panic, squeezing it with all my might.
Instantly, his gaze flashes to mine, full of undisguised concern, and as I look into those dark orbs, the suffocating tightness releases its hold on me, letting oxygen rush into my starved lungs.
Only then do I realize that my vision has blurred because of tears.
I’m crying, and the tears are not happy ones.
Nor are they sad ones.
I can’t make sense of the way I’m feeling.
All I know is that Alexei wraps his strong arms around me and presses me so tightly against his chest that his heartbeat is a violent thunderstorm in my ear, his breath ragged gusts of wind on the top of my shorn skull.
Whatever my husband is feeling, I doubt it’s as simple and straightforward as relief either.
Distantly, I’m aware of the doctor clearing his throat once, twice.When I reluctantly pull away from Alexei and give Fasseau my attention, his expression is somber again.And oddly sympathetic.
“If I might make a suggestion,” he says gently.“You’ve been through a lot, Mrs.Leonov.With a diagnosis like yours, therapy is often highly beneficial.”He glances cautiously at Alexei before adding, “Possibly for the both of you.”
Therapy.I’d tried that once, and—I steal a look at Alexei, whose face might as well be carved from stone—it didn’t exactly go well.But everything was different then.
Iwas different.
I don’t know this new person who looks at me from the mirror, irrationally proud of the stubble on her head.Nor do I understand why, where there should be relief, there’s only a growing sense of impending doom, a dread so deep that no amount of good news can obliterate it.
Maybe something went wrong during the surgery, and they cut off some crucial portion of my brain.
Or maybe therapyisa good idea.
“We’ll look into it,” Alexei says in a clipped tone, and I wonder if he means it.
Does he really want me dissecting our complicated relationship with a total stranger?
“So what are the next steps?”Alexei asks before I can do so.“Is Alina done with treatment?”
“With the active portion of it, yes.”Fasseau shifts his gaze to me.“We’ll continue to monitor you closely, Mrs.Leonov, but there’s no longer any need for you to reside at the clinic, as long as you’re able to come in for important scans.”
“That won’t be a problem,” Alexei says.“Just let us know when, and we’ll be here.”
The doctor beams again.“Sounds good.Congratulations to you both.”
With that, he departs, leaving us alone to process the news he’s delivered.
Alexei grips my arm and turns me to face him.His face is taut, his eyes glittering once more.“Fuck, Alinyonok.You did it.You beat this thing.”
Did I?It doesn’t feel like it.But I nod anyway because that’s what the doctor said.I have no reason not to believe him, especially since Iamfeeling better.Stronger.
Physically, at least.
Alexei pulls me into another long, fierce hug.Before I can recover my breath, he cradles my face in his palms and, for the first time in weeks, kisses me with such unabashed hunger that I forget I’ve ever been ill.My entire body ignites, each cell coming back to life with a furious need that heats my skin and sends my heart racing.Panting, I cling to him, gripping his shirt in my fists as he bends me over his arm, devouring my mouth with a ravenousness that leaves no doubt of his intentions.
