Page 96 of Barre Fight
“Of course not.”
“Then get over yourself and figure out how you’re going to make this place safe for him to be a boy who dances.”
Kyle grimaced. “I… I’m going to try.”
Justin wanted more than that. He wanted to demand that Kyle sign Kieran up for ballet classes right this second. He wanted Kyle to promise to stop telling the kid nonsense about how boys weren’t meant to dance. He wanted him to say that he’d convince a bunch of other dads to send their sons to Miss Mary’s so Kieran wouldn’t be the only one, the weirdo, the freak. So that one day, a few years from now, ballet was just something boys in this town did, just like footy or fishing or spray-painting dicks on the back of the public toilets in the park.
But he knew this was all he was going to get today. And he’d take it.
Ivy squeezed his arm again, and the touch sent a wave of gratitude rushing through him. The adrenaline that had grabbed at his heart and spiked his pulse was subsiding, and what remained was relief. Relief, and the warm, steady reminder that Ivy was still there. She was right there, standing by him and keeping him from doing something he’d regret, holding him even when he was afraid that the ugliness inside him was about to escape.
He never wanted her to let go. He never wanted to let go of her. He wanted her here, at his side, helping him to be better than he’d ever managed to be on his own.
He’d never let the ugliness out again. He would go look it in the face and make peace with it, just like he was doing with Kyle Kavanaugh right now. He would do whatever it took to be the man Ivy seemed so damn sure he was.
“You do that,” he said to Kyle. “Because apologies are nice, but actions are better. And apologizing to me doesn’t help your son.”
Kyle nodded. “Okay. I get it.”
“Good,” Justin said firmly. He put his hand on the small of Ivy’s back and gestured to the door. “Let’s go.” Looking relieved, she gave Kavanaugh a hasty wave, and Justin followed her, leaving Kyle Kavanaugh alone in his empty office.
Justin wasn’t sure Kyle really did get it. But he’d be back in Hillstone again soon, and if Kyle needed a refresher, he’d be all too happy to provide it.
The street was still deserted, and the air was still dry and hot. The scent of smoke still hung in the air, clinging to the buildings and the blackened remains of trees and grass. Hillstone was destroyed.
But Justin felt reborn, like a gumtree sprouting its first new green leaves weeks after a fire swept through.
Not because his hometown had burned, but because he had finally come back here and faced the memories that had kept him away for so long. And he wasn’t afraid of them anymore. No, it wasn’t fear he was feeling right now. It was regret, and determination. He’d already lost precious time with his family. He’d lost this town first to shame, and then again to fire. He would not lose it again. He would not let the memory of what had happened to him here keep him from loving this place and the people who lived here.
Ivy turned to face him and looked up into his face, her green eyes full of concern.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said, a breathy laugh chopping the word in two. “No. It depends.”
Regret, determination, and love. Love that made his chest tight and his pulse pound the way nothing ever had. Not dancing at Lincoln Center, not confronting Kyle Kavanaugh, nothing. And he wasn’t going to go another second without telling her.
“On what?” Ivy’s brow furrowed.
“On you,” he swallowed, then commanded himself to say the words, the same way he willed his legs to move when it was time to step out on stage and into the bright lights. “On whether you love me. Because,” he lifted his hands to cradle her face, “because I love you. I love you, Ivy.”
She said nothing, and he kept talking, the words spilling out of him like he’d been rehearsing them in his head for days. Weeks. “I love how you make me brave. I love the way your brain works. I love how incorrigible you are?—”
She opened her mouth to object, but he shook his head. “No, Kurt, it’s a good thing. It’s the best thing about you. You’re so fucking determined. You didn’t quit trying to help me, even when I practically begged you to. You found a way. You didn’t quit on ballet or on journalism, you just found a way to keep doing them even when they pushed you out. When you want something, you find a way, and Ivy, it’s incredible to watch. It’s inspiring. It’s… it’s Ivy. I want to love you like that. Will you let me love you like that?”
Ivy’s eyes were shining with tears, but he could see a spark of mischief as she looked up at him. She still said nothing, and for a moment he wondered if he’d misread that twinkle.
“Kurt?” he asked, his voice sounding distinctly faint and not nearly as brave as he’d just claimed to be.
She pressed her lips together and said nothing.
“Ivy?”
Shit, shit, shit. He’d read this all wrong, and done it all wrong, and now it was too late to take the words back.
“I’m just mentally telling myself to shut up,” she whispered. “So you’ll keep talking. But actually, I want you to stop talking.”
“Okay…” he said, his stomach starting to free fall.
