Page 47 of Worth the Ruin
“I had to, Mel. You would have done the same thing.” I wish I could argue with him, but I can’t and he knows it. The asshole grins at me.
“You’re still an idiot,” I point out, taking another sip of my drink. The worst of the panic and pain is fading now and I’m finally finding my equilibrium.
“Well, you’ve known that for going on two decades,” he jokes. “Enough about me and all of this,” he says, gesturing to his chest and then waving it away like it isn’t a big deal. “I’m fine and Doc is checking in every hour to be sure. So, we’re shifting gears: How are you fucking here, Mel? Are you alright?”
“I’m good, I promise.” I’ll keep my word to Traeger and not give up any of his secrets, but I need to make sure that Jonah knows that I’m really and truly ok, to ease his mind and make sure he doesn’t worry needlessly about me. He needs to focus on other things, like healing and resting for starters. “Really, J, I’m fine. I haven’t been beaten or tortured—unless you count harvesting vegetables as torture.”
“Well, I know how much you hate gardening.”
We both smile and it feels so fucking good, like this is where I’m supposed to be. A nagging, stupid, annoying voice in the back of my mind tries to argue, to say that somewhereelsefeels more like home now, that someone else is who I want to be beside right now. But that isn’t fucking happening, not anymore. I hadn’t been here with Jonah when he needed me, and I’m placing the blame for that squarely on Traeger’s shoulders—whether he deserves it or not.
“I don’t think I can stay long,” I say.
“The fact that he even let you come at all is a miracle. Even if it’s only for five minutes, I’ll take it.” As if on cue, a soft knock on the door sounds. Mulligan gets up to answer it and I brace myself to be torn away from Jonah already.It’s not nearly enough time. I can’t leave him yet.
“Jonah,” Wynn says, nodding in greeting as he steps inside the living room. “How you doing?”
“I’m alright. Tired of everyone hovering,” he says pointedly at Mulligan, but he smiles. He loves how much Mull loves him. “But I’m ok. Doc thinks nothing bad internally, so just gotta wait for all the broken bones to heal.”
“Good, good, I’m real happy to hear that, man.”
“We have to go?” I ask, tensing.
Wynn shakes his head. “He’s giving you three days.”
Jonah and I both blink in surprise. Is Traeger trying to win me over? Make up for the blame I’m placing at his feet? Well, it won’t fucking work, but I’m sure as shit not going to look this gift horse in the mouth. Mulligan steps forward.
“I’ve been sleeping down here with Jonah, so Mel can have our room and you can take Mel’s,” he offers. Usually a whole house is prepared for Traeger’s men when they come to visit, but since this was kind of spur of the moment and it’s late, I’m sure Wynn is perfectly happy to just bunk here. Mulligan meets my gaze and at my look adds, “But I do believe my spot on the couch is being commandeered this evening, so same plan except I’m taking our room I guess.” I smile at him and he winks. He turns to Wynn. “I’ll help you with the bags and get you situated.”
Wynn nods to me, giving me a look that reminds me to keep my promise and tells me that he trusts me to do it. I nod back, letting him know I won’t do anything stupid or that will put anything at risk. I know that Jonah and Mulligan wouldn’t tell anyone, that they can be trusted with the secrets too, but it isn’t my place to make that decision. I hate keeping things from Jonah, but I’ll do it. The important thing is that he knows that I’m safe.
“You both seem pretty buddy-buddy with Wynn,” I say, arching a brow at Jonah after Wynn and Mulligan head outside to get my pack and whatever bag Wynn had apparently packed. Ivaguely remember him helping me pack some things too, but it’s all a blur.
“He’s made it a point to come see us every time he rides through, to let us know that you’re alright and everything. He’s a good guy.”
“He is,” I agree. “We’ve become really good friends.”
I gently lift his legs so I can slide beneath them, setting them down over my lap as I lean back against the cushions. When he winces and sucks in a harsh breath, I grind my teeth.
“I will never forgive him for this,” I mutter quietly.
“Forgive who?”
“Traeger. If he hadn’t taken me?—”
“Technically you volunteered,” Jonah interrupts, smirking when I glare at him.
“I should have been with you. I should have had your back.” Tears burn my eyes again and Jonah’s smirk fades.
“Mel, this could have happened whether you were with me or not. Hell, you could have been hurt right beside me if you’d been there. It’s no one’s fault, come on.”
“It’s his,” I insist.
Jonah eyes me, that look in his eyes telling me he knows there’s more that I’m holding back. I’ve never been good at lying to Jonah. Everyone else? Sure, no problem. Half of my job had literally been to lie, and I’d been damn good at my job, but Jonah has always known when I’m keeping things from him. Planning his surprise twenty-seventh birthday party had been nearly impossible. He claims he really had been shocked by the entire thing, but I have my doubts. I think he just maintains that story to make me feel better.
“I’ve been thinking that things aren’t quite what they seem,” he says slowly, telling me without telling me what he suspects. We’ve always been able to communicate like that, almost telepathically to a point. It used to drive Mitch and Sean crazy.I meet his gaze and decide that I’m not technically breaking my promise if I hint and he infers and reads between the lines.
“I can neither confirm nor deny…” I say quietly, cutting my eyes to the stairs. “But you might be correct in your line of thinking.” He nods to himself, as if he’s seeing everything click into place inside his mind, confirming what he thought might be the case.
