Page 9 of Worth the Ruin
“You know I loveyoutoo, stupid.”
I pull away and pat his bearded cheek, giving him a watery smile.
“I love you back. I mean, Mullody isn’t complete without you.” We both laugh at the terrible “couple” nickname we’d come up with for ourselves not long after he and Jonah got together, much to Jonah’s chagrin. Cheap vodka may have been involved in the decision making, but it had stuck like glue. Mulligan and I become fast friends, feeling as if we’d known each other our whole lives. He worked his way into my tiny little bubble with Jonah almost instantly, and I’d been all too happy to expand it to encompass the burly man.
My heart splinters as I step away from him, but I know that it’s about to shatter completely because next comes the impossible goodbye. I don’t know how to do this. I can’t. But…I have to. I know this was the right decision: this place needs Jonah. It doesn’t need me. I’ve gotten them secured and safe. The rest of the security team can handle it now.
I hug him hard despite how much I know his ribs must be killing him.
“Mel,please, we can figure something else out.” His voice breaks and it nearly does me in. I somehow keep the floodgates closed as I pull back enough to kiss his cheek.
“It’s ok, Jonah. I’ll be ok. I can handle this.” I hold his gaze for an endless moment, memorizing every fleck of gold hidden within the brown of his eyes, the smile lines fanning out beside them, the small scar just above his left brow from a million years ago when he thought an eyebrow ring would look sexy—spoiler alert: it didnotand it got super infected.
“Thank you for saving me,” I tell him, putting as much love as I can into the words.
He huffs out a hoarse laugh. “You saved me way more.”
“You know what I mean,” I say. “You pulled me out of the dark place, more than once. I couldn’t have done it on my own. I love you.”
“I love you too, Mel.” He pulls me in for another hug and whispers low in my ear, “I’ll find a way to get you back. I swear.”
I pull back and eye him.
“Don’t you dare do anything stupid, Jonah Cothren. I swear I will kick your ass if you do.” He laughs lightly. “But I will find a way to see you again, J. I promise. This isn’t goodbye, just…see ya later.”
He smiles at me through his tears and tucks a bit of hair behind my ear. And it’s too much. I can feel the tiny bit of control I have left crumbling away, and I have to turn away before I completely lose it. I kiss his cheek and turn away, all but running towards the truck where Traeger’s waiting by the open passenger door, assuming that’s my assigned seat for this little road trip to hell. I can’t look back or I’ll never leave, so I jump in, throwing my pack at my feet and trying desperately to breathe. My throat feels thick, like it’s closing up, and my heart’s beating way too fast. I close my eyes and squeeze my hands into fists so tightly that my knuckles throb.
Traeger hops into the driver’s seat and it isn’t until we’re nearly to the gate that my eyes fly open. I don’t care if it destroys me, I have to see him. Jonahhasto be the last thing I see asI leave this place. I spin and push up to my knees in my seat to stare out of the back window. I put my hand to the glass and Jonah raises his, as if we can touch. He leans heavily into Mulligan’s side and I tell myself over and over that he’ll be ok, they both will.They have each other, they’ll make it.
But who do I have now?
Everyone I love is taken from me eventually.
I watch until the gate closes behind us. I lean my forehead against the cool glass for a long moment before finally turning back around. I settle into the seat, and though I hate the idea of letting Traeger see me like this, I can’t stop the tears. I’m not allowing myself to fully feel the enormity of what’s just happened or having a complete breakdown yet, but I let the tears silently fall as I stare out the window, feeling numb and dead and broken. Jonah is my light. Jonah is what keeps me from falling into the darkness, or when I do start to tumble, he pulls me out again. Can I do this without him?
I really don’t know, but I guess I have no choice but to find out.
To my surprise, Traeger isn’t a dick about it. In fact, he doesn’t even say a word. He silently hands me a box of tissues and lets me say goodbye in peace.
CHAPTER FIVE
MELODY
Eventually,all of the vehicles pull off into the parking lot of an old fruit stand. My tears have long since stopped and I’ve come to terms with the situation as best as I can for now, but even after I was done crying, neither of us said a word. A little over an hour of complete silence next to a possible psycho who gets off on violence and pain. I should have used that time to study him without any distractions or a way for him to stop me, but I hadn’t had the energy. Instead, I’d just stared out the window with my arms crossed. At least I know that FOS is northeast of The Cove, so that’s more than I knew yesterday. Silver lining.
Now, he turns to me.
“If you need to go, now’s the time.” I shake my head, still not speaking, and he nods his in return. “Alright. I’ll be back.”
He exits the truck and I go back to staring out the window. Part of my mind catalogues everything, as it had been trained to do all those years ago, but that’s second nature. I barely even register that I’m doing it and don’t have to put much energy into it. Without thought, I count the men standing outside in loosecircles, noting which ones go out behind the wooden building to take a piss and the exact amount of time each of them is gone, and the number of weapons each of them have strapped to their bodies. I map out plans of attack in my head, who I would take out first and how. I can see it so clearly in my mind it’s like playing with action figures. Of course, I won’t actually do any of it, but my mind prepares my body just in case.
I open my door and slide out to stand beside the truck, figuring I might as well stretch my legs. I have no idea how long this trip is going to take, so I better take the break while I can. I twist this way and that and stretch my arms over my head before pacing back and forth.
The familiar man approaches me. A guard? I sigh and stop my pacing to lean against the side of the truck.
“Does he really think I’m going to make a break for it already?” I ask.
The man laughs. “Just protocol, that’s all. And you look like maybe you could use a friend,” he adds softly. A friend? Here, among Traeger’s men? Impossible. But as I eye him, I sense such sincerity from him, that I can’t find it in me to turn him away or be a bitch like I would have done to almost anyone else in this moment. I tilt my head, studying him and trying to figure out why the hell he looks so damn familiar. Not in this world, but in the old one. I didn’t know him personally, I know that much but…maybe he was a weatherman or something? I feel like I’ve seen him on television…
