Page 46 of Worth the Ruin
“They were out on a run and he was trying to save a family…”
“Was he bitten?” I interrupt, my body going completely numb.Say no. Say no. God, please say no.
“No,” Wynn assures me quickly. “No, he wasn’t bitten. There was a family pinned down in a burned-out building. He fought his way through to them and a beam collapsed.”
I blink rapidly, trying to stay upright. “How bad?” I ask, keeping my voice calm and even, but inside I’m screaming.
“Some broken ribs, broken leg. Doc Hastings thinks maybe a bruised spleen, but they’re monitoring him closely…”
“Mel—”
I whirl on Traeger, fury burning everything else I feel for him away to ash.
“This is your fucking fault,” I hiss, nearly snarling. His jaw clenches and his nostrils flare, but he doesn’t say anything. I know somewhere deep down that, logically, it isn’t actually his fault, but all of the anger and fear whirling inside me has to be directed at something, at someone.
And he’s the fucking winner.
“I’m going,” I say, daring him to tell me no. “Blindfold me, gag me, knock me out—whatever, but I have to see him. I’ll keep all your fucking secrets, but I am going. You’ll have to shoot me to stop me.”
The muscle in his jaw ticks and I can’t read the look in his eyes, or maybe I don’t want to. He looks to Wynn and, after what feels like an entirety, he nods.
“Take her, just the two of you. Go now.” He glances at me and then adds, “Take B route.”
“You sure?” Wynn asks, brows rising.B route? What the fuck does that mean and why does it have Wynn looking so surprised?
Traeger holds my gaze, and without taking his eyes off me, he says to Wynn, “I trust her.”
I refuse to thank him. I feel like this is all my fault somehow, like the universe is punishing me for deciding to try to be happy, for taking things with Traeger somewhere. For falling.This is what I get.This is what I deserve.
The trip doesn’t take nearly aslong as it had when I’d first come to FOS, and Wynn explains that they have multiple routes to and from FOS from every other settlement. It’s how they keep the location a secret. On the way there initially, we’d taken a route designed to take extra time and get me completely lost.Now I understand why Wynn had been surprised when Traeger told him to take Route B: this is a straight shot from FOS to The Cove. No backtracking, no detours, no doubts about where, exactly, I am. I could lead all of Haven directly to Traeger’s front door now if I wanted.
I trust her, he’d said. I try not to think of it, or what had happened in the hallway or the things I’d been feeling. I try not to think of the flash of defeat I’d seen in his eyes when I’d glared at him, blaming him for Jonah’s injuries, as if he knew in that instant that whatever had been building between us was crashing and burning and leaving him standing in the ashes alone. I try not to think of him at all.
Wynn and I don’t talk much on the drive. It’s taking all of my strength not to lash out and put my fist through the window. We finally get to The Cove and I jump out of the car before it’s even fully stopped. Bret blinks at my sudden appearance.
“Mel?” he says, incredulous.
“Is he at our place or Doc’s?” is all I say. Later, I’ll apologize and give him a proper hug because I’ve missed him, but right now all I can think of is Jonah. I have to see him with my own eyes. I have to make sure he’s ok. I can’t do this again, I can’t lose anyone else, I justcan’t.
“Oh, uh, yours,” Bret says, clearly confused as he glances between me and Wynn. I take off towards the house that had once been mine. I barely hear Bret ask Wynn if anyone else is coming and if he needed to star rounding up weapons. I burst through the front door, and Mulligan leaps to his feet from the chair in the living room.
“Mel?” he gasps. He stumbles over and wraps me in a hug. I clutch at him, squeezing so tightly that I’m sure I’m probably hurting him, but I don’t care. He doesn’t seem to either, squeezing me right back. “God, how are you here? I never thought…Fuck, it doesn’t matter.” He holds me tighter, his bodyshuddering a little. I can tell how worried he is, how glad he is to have someone to share this with.
“Where is he? Is he ok?”
“I’m fine,” comes the soothing, familiar voice that’s been my anchor through virtually every storm in my life.Jonah.Tears sprang to my eyes and I feel like I can breathe for the first time since Wynn said those terrible words in that hallway. I disentangle myself from Mull and circle around the couch. Jonah lays there, a blanket up to waist and his flannel shirt open over his bandaged ribs. He has scrapes and bruises on his face, neck, and arms, but he smiles at me and it lights up his entire face.
“You idiot,” I say before a sob breaks free. I sit on the edge of the couch, and hug him, trying to be careful of his injuries. He wraps his arms around me and strokes my back.
“Shhh, Mel, it’s ok. I’m ok.”
How is he the one consoling me? He’s the one who’s hurt, who had almostdied. It only makes me cry harder. Jonah has always been the one to take care of me and I’ve missed him so fucking much. I hadn’t let myself really feel the full force of it, but now, it’s like I’m in the middle of the ocean during a hurricane. Wave after wave of raw emotion rushes over me, dragging me down only to hit me all over again as soon as I surface.
What feels like hours later, I finally pull away and scrub the tears from my eyes.
“Tell me.”
He sighs but tells me the whole story as Mull presses a glass of scotch into my hand. I give him a grateful look, squeezing his forearm before he pulls away, and he smiles at me, looking exhausted but happy.
