Page 55 of Worth the Ruin
TRAEGER
It’s probablystupid and selfish and wasteful, but I can’t quite make myself give a fuck. We absolutely gorge ourselves on all of the snacks from the Closet of Wonders as Melody keeps calling it. We eat and eat until we both feel sick, but man does it feel good. Melody is in such a good mood after the discovery, it’s almost as if the past month never happened. The hostility’s gone, and she’s acting like she had before Jonah had been hurt. It feels good. It feels more than good: it feelsright, like this is how we’re supposed to be. Laughing and eating and talking by the fire, feeling so totally at ease, as if the outside world doesn’t exist at all.
“The bottles and cans outside were smart. Early warning system,” Melody says, shifting to lie on the foot of the bed so she’s closer to the fire. Despite being in a great mood and eating her weight in chips and cookies, I’m still worried that she’s coming down with something. Her skin is still pallid, but her cheeks are flushed and she’s got that glassy look in her eyes, the one that comes with fever. She can’t seem to get warm no matter how many blankets she piles on or how close she getsto the flames. She keeps assuring me she’s fine, just tired from yesterday and that her ankle hurts, but I’m not sure that I believe her.
“Well, Uncle Charlie gets the credit there. Looked like he’d had them rigged a long time ago but they’d fallen at some point, probably during a storm or something. Now we’ll hear anyone coming though.”
“Kudos to Uncle Charlie then. So, what do you think the gibberish on the wall in there is about?” she asks, jutting her chin towards the bedroom.
“I think it’s a way to figure out the combination to the locks on the cabinets downstairs, but I have no fucking clue what it might mean or what might be in there.”
“Guns maybe? Ammo? More Twinkies?” she suggests with a grin before yawning widely. “Did you talk to Wynn?”
“Yeah, everything is going good. No more herds, and they cleared three more houses this morning. They should make it here in another day or so probably.” She nods and her lids start to droop. “Why don’t you take a nap? I’ll check the snares I set up earlier and be back in a bit.” She’d been out cold still this morning after the sun came up, so I’d taken the time to scope out the perimeter, take care of a few rogue Bloodies, get the security lines in place, and set a dozen snares in hopes of getting us some fresh meat. Of course, that was before I knew about all the stores Uncle Charlie had waiting for us, but either way, fresh meat was always a good idea.
“No, I’m fine. You need to sleep, you stayed up all night.”
“I wasn’t injured,” I point out. “I’ll nap after I get back, promise.”
Before she can argue, I hoist myself off the mattress and gesture for her to settle back down. She sighs but maneuvers herself back up to the pillows and I pull the blankets over her, adding an extra throw to be safe. I set another soda and acanteen of water on the floor where she can reach them easily, and she’s already asleep by the time I pull on my jacket and boots.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
MELODY
“Melody??”
My eyes fly open as I’m pulled from my nightmare, and Traeger’s face hovers in front of my face. I blink, and the room seems to spin. I’m covered in sweat, my hair stuck to my temples and back my neck with it, but so cold that I’m shaking, my teeth clattering so hard my jaw hurts.
“Fuck,” he grates. “You’re burning up. Why didn’t you tell me??”
How long had I been asleep? I was supposed to take watch so he could nap, wasn’t I? Fuck, he must be so exhausted. I know that I’m not supposed to care, that I’m supposed to hate him, but right now, I can’t really remember why. Everything is fuzzy, my head feeling like it’s stuffed with cotton and the size of one of those big balloons people ride in…what are they called? Why can’t I think of the word? It doesn’t matter. My head feels too big and too blurry and all I know is that I don’t want to push Traeger away right now. No, I want to pull him down to lie next to me, want him to wrap his arms around me and pull me in tight against his chest, want him to kiss my forehead and chase thenightmares away. I blink, trying so hard to force everything into focus, but it won’t cooperate. Everything stays a little wobbly, like she I’m looking at everything through water.
“I’m…fine…” I say. Or try to say. I can barely keep my eyes open and I’m honestly not sure the words I’m thinking are actually making it out of my mouth right. There’s a very good chance that everything is coming out as slurred, garbled nonsense. God, I’m so hot, but somehow freezing at the same time. How does that work?
“Fuck, fuck, fuck. I fucking knew that something was wrong, I should have pushed more, I should have…” he trails off and I hear him digging around in the cabinets in the kitchen, but somehow a heartbeat later, I feel the mattress sink beside me when he sits down on the edge. What the hell? Had I fallen asleep again? I swear I just blinked. I don’t know what’s happening. I’ve had the flu before but never this bad.
“Melody, listen to me. I need you to open your eyes and take this medicine, alright?” I manage to pry them open again and he helps me rise enough to get some pills down. “Christ, Melody, I get that you’re mad at me, but you could have told me you were fucking sick.”
Mad? Am I mad at him? Why would I be? No, that doesn’t seem right. I think I’m the opposite of mad at him…
“…mad?” I ask, but the word is slow and slurred. A few seconds later, the darkness jerks me under again.
I wakeup later having no idea how much time has passed. I feel much better than I did before and I know my fever has finally broken, but my memories of the last…however long are distorted and convoluted. I’d seen Gabby, over and over, athousand memories flashing through my mind like a flipbook. Some were real things that had actually happened—her first day of preschool, smiling like a ray of sunshine in her yellow polka dot dress; passed out cold on Mitch’s shoulders after a very long day at Disney; learning to swim in the lake; catching her first fish. But others were scenarios that Iwishedwe’d gotten to experience together, Gabby at ages she never made it to—Gabby learning to drive a car; Gabby going to her first prom; moving into her college dorm; walking down an aisle in a beautiful white gown; glowing as she held a newborn in her arms. I’d been so happy in the false memories, but I was also screaming in utter agony, knowing it wasn’t real, clawing at my chest trying to rip my own heart out. How could dreams hurt so fucking much?
The past and the present all melded together in ways that I knew couldn’t be real, but all seemed like they were. They seemedso fucking real. I saw Mitch and Jonah and Sean and Mulligan…andTraeger. Traeger always seemed to shine brighter in every single image in my mind, like a spotlight followed him through the ever-changing scenes. He always seemed to be drifting away from me though, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t call out to make him stop. The others encouraged me to go, to run after him before it was too late.It’s time, Mel. You need him, Mitch had said with a smile, giving me a playful shove forward.Go, mommy. Go, Gabby said, letting go of my hand just before I pried my eyes open.
I finally understand where the termfever dreamcomes from. I’d always kind of thought it was bullshit, but now I get it. I sit up groggily and shove hair from my face, grimacing. I feel sticky and grimy with sweat and I’ve never wanted to brush my teeth more than I do in this moment.
“She lives,” Traeger’s voice rings out from somewhere behind me. I turn to find him walking back into the living room from the kitchen. He hands me a cup of water and I empty it in three longgulps, gasping quietly when I’m done. I probably should have taken that a little easier, but my throat feels raw. Had I been screaming?Fuck.
“How long was I out?” I ask, voice raspy.
“Couple of days.”
“Days?” I repeat, eyes bulging. He must have woken me several times for more medicine—another thing Uncle Charlie had stocked, thank God—but I have zero recollection of it.
“Days,” he confirms, eyeing me.
