Page 86 of Caged Between the Beta & Alpha
“You were never a daughter he could be proud of,” she said, simply brushing away her tears. I looked into those blue eyes of hers, the very same shade as my blue one.
“I know. I’ve been told all my life that I am nothing but a failure,” I said, looking around the hallway. Something told me it was the last time I’d be visiting. “I wasn’t the child Dad wanted. Well, that’s his loss, then. I have always tried my best to be the best I can be without losing my identity, but if it’s not enough, then I don’t care anymore. “
“You don’t care? When have you ever cared, Raven?”
Somehow, her words just didn’t hurt anymore. I was so used to her standing by and not caring that I didn’t expect anything from her.
“Goodbye, Mom. I won’t be stopping by anymore… I didn’t know Dad was in the cells, but whatever reason the Alpha or Beta deemed sufficient, Dad must deserve it. I don’t really care, and I don’t feel bad foradmitting that. I’m done,” I said, casting one last look around my childhood house.
“Maybe we will be better off,” Mom whispered, hugging herself. “They hurt him a lot… I felt it. I don’t know what they’ve done, and I can’t mind-link him either. I’m told I have to stay under house arrest until the Alpha questions me.”
I frowned and felt a sliver of irritation. Once again, I wasn’t told about this. Why did everyone keep me in the Goddess-damned dark?
“Yeah, I think we’ll all be better off. I’m done being stuck around parents who love to throw mental abuse in one form or another at me,” I said bitterly. For the first time, I let my anger, pain, and sadness show in my voice. I turned away, ready to open the door again when I paused. “When I was a baby… you wanted the doctor to give me Renji’s eye… you must have loved me, right? Before I became a useless disappointment to you both?” My voice was soft, my eyes stuck on the door before me. Maybe just one kind word… that at one point at least Mom cared…
“Hmm, a long time ago… I wanted to see a part of Renji live on too… but things changed,” Mom’s hesitant reply came. My lips quivered, and the urge to just run away and cry threatened to consume me, but I didn’t move, keeping my heartbeat steady.
“Changed?”
“I should never have given Renji’s eye to you. Perhaps if we hadn’t, that constant reminder of his loss wouldn’t be here! Maybe things would have been different!” I looked over my shoulder at her, trying to blink away the tears, and nodded.
“Maybe… but it’s done. Goodbye…” I said, not even knowing if I should even address her as ‘Mom’.
She didn’t reply as I left the house, trying to hold that smile in place, although inside I felt as if everything was crumbling to pieces…
I felt soangry. I hated that I didn’t even know about Renji, and now the fact that Dad had been thrown into the cells! Both Damon and Liam had a chance to tell me, but they hadn’t.
I wanted to talk to Dad, tell him how he makes me feel and end it, but did I really want to go and see him in prison? I couldn’t let this drag on. I wanted to get it over with. I guess I had no other choice. I made my way to the Blood Moon headquarters and waited for the security team to let me in.
“Do you have a pass?” Ben asked. He was part of the security, but I knew him from around.
“No, I’m only here to speak to my father. You can escort me down,” I said curtly.
“I’m not sure if he’s allowed visitors…” he replied hesitantly. My eyes flashed, and I glared at him coldly.
“I can speak to my father. He’s here because of me. Please, Ben.” I could tell he was struggling.
“I… fine. As head warrior, I’m sure it should be okay. But I will escort you there, and I will remain with you for the duration of your meeting. Keep it short.”
I nodded and let him lead the way down towards the cells. I had only been there once or twice before, and that was a long time ago. We had gotten in trouble, but a lot was different now. Even the cells had changed a lotcompared to how they had been back then.
We walked past the cells that contained small beds, and I realised that the further we got, the emptier, darker, and colder the cells became. My heart skipped a beat as we went down a few steps to the lower cells. They were like those from a movie from long ago; creepy, dirty, and dark.
“Go. I will wait here. I’m not able to mind-link the Alpha, and I do hope this isn’t breaking protocol,” he muttered.
“I won’t be long,” I said, walking forward.
Dad’s scent hit my nose, and I headed down towards the bottom, stopping when I caught sight of him. He was sitting, leaning against the far wall in the corner of a cell.
“Have you come to have a laugh?” Dad spat, turning his head towards me. Dry blood and dirt covered his face. His clothes weren’t much different. I could see they were the same ones he’d had on when Damon dragged him away from me.
“No,” I said quietly. “I came to talk to you.”
“I am not interested in talking to you. Leave,” he said resentfully, but he also sounded tired.
“You don’t need to reply. I’m here to speak, and all I want is for you to listen. I’m always the one listening, the one trying to be okay. I’m done with staying quiet. I’m done with pretending that it’s okay because it really isn’t. I have never been scared of you, but for the sake of not arguing, I would stay quiet. I’m twenty-one now. I can’t go on like this,” I said, my voice breaking with frustration and sadness. I hated life right then, but I was going to move forward. I was totally done with staying quiet. Taking a deep breath, I continued,
“All I wanted growing up was to be accepted, to be told that you are proud of me, but I never got that from you or Mom. Even when you would throw something at me in anger or push me around… I told myself you were just upset because I was too loud and annoying. But you know, Dad, it hurt. It really hurt not knowing what I was doing wrong. All my life, I pretended I was okay, I always placed this big smile on my face and carried on hoping things changed, but even then, nothing became better. I know you wish Renji was the one alive, and I wish he was, too... maybe then you could all have been happy. If I had the choice, I would be okay with being the one who died if it meant-”
