Page 122 of Caged Between the Beta & Alpha
The sound of the river and the birds chirping in the trees were the only sounds around us, yet even then, our voices simply blended into our surroundings, promising that my words would remain a secret… or were they pleading for me not to do it?
“Raven… it’s okay. Look, whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.” I blinked, coming out of my thoughts.
“I need to say this...please let me speak. Don’t tell me it’s okay, none of this is okay,” I said, taking a deep breath. I licked my lips before biting down on my lower one.
Where do I start? How do you tell someone you are about to break their heart? Especially when they don’t deserve it...
“I’m sorry you got a shitty mate like me,” I whispered, my eyes stinging as I stared at his necklace, unable to look into his eyes. “I’m sorry that I treat you the way I do… that I haven’t even treated you as mine… I’m sorry that I’m not the mate I should have been. I don’t even get why the Goddess paired someone like me with two mates when I have done nothing to treat you equally... I’m so fucking sorry, but it’s not enough... Goddess, it’s not enough…” My throat felt constricted. I couldn’t breathe properly.
“Gorgeous... don’t ever blame yourself. I haven’t really stepped up either… but it’s okay… maybe Liam-” I shook my head.
“Liam won’t change his mindset… he won’t, and we both know that,” I whispered quietly, trying to fight back the storm that was threatening to break its dam. “If he doesn’t agree, what will you do? Will you fight for someone who hasn’t even been fair? Would you fight Liam?”
The sadness in his eyes tugged painfully at my chest. I knew the answer. No. Not because he didn’t care enough, not because Liam was his Alpha, but because Damon had a heart of gold, and all he knew was giving, not taking… and that was what I was doing once again. Hurting him. His next words confirmed that…
“I’m so fucking sorry… I can’t go against him. It’s not just that he’s my Alpha… he… he always put you as number one, Raven. When we were kids… he always looked out for you, always talked about you… always wanted you. I’m the one who was too busy looking elsewhere...” His voice held so much pain that he was trying to hide, but he was failing… failing so badly.
“Or perhaps you subconsciously told yourself I was off-limits because of Liam’s love for me?” I asked softly. He looked at me and shook his head.
We didn’t know… we never would know because we had already walked our chosen paths…
“No… if it comes down to one of us, he is the one that deserves you,” he said softly, kissing my hands once again. “With this curse, pushing Liam would have been fucking catastrophic. I am not going to ever risk that.”
I nodded. If Damon or I had tried to pursue anything, it would have caused Liam to go off the edge into the darkness. Love, bonds, and our situation weren’t as easy as one might think… and regardless, I couldn’t use the curse as an excuse. I clearly favoured Liam, so I couldn’t hold Damon back any longer.
The Moon Goddess gave some werewolves second-chance mates… I prayed to Selene with everything I had inside to give Damon someone better. Someone who would treat him like a king…
A thought at the back of my head clawed its way to the forefront of my mind, asking me that what if Liam died? Would I break the bond with my surviving mate? But I knew the answer to that, too. Yes, because if that happened, I deserved to be alone. Damon was no one’s backup. He deserved the best.
“Rejection… that’s what you’re implying,” Damon said, smiling slightly, breaking the final grasp on my tears.
“I won’t say this for the sake of it but because it’s the truth. You deserve someone who treats you as the one and only king in her life. You deserve someone who doesn’t favour another above you. For someone with two mates, I should be equal, but even if it’s the circumstances or my own fault, I haven’t treated you right… I can’t string you along, Damon. It’s hurting me, too,” I sobbed, staring into his eyes.
I needed this, for me, for him, for Liam... no one was happy like this... but in the end, it was Damon who would get hurt the most by the rejection, but he was hurting like this too…
“I’m so fucking sorry…. I’m sorry….”
He let go of my hands, his heart pounding. I could sense his sadness, too, as he cupped my face and brushed away my tears. I gripped his wrists, the pain in my chest unbearable. It hurt so, so fucking much.
“The same thought came to my mind, too… that perhaps our parting is the right thing to do, even if it isn’t the best thing. We can’t let Liam turn to the darkness completely, and I can’t go against him…” he said softly, brushing away more of my tears. My lips quivered, and I looked into the shimmering eyes of his wolf. “I love you,Raven, and even if we cannot be together as mates… will you promise me that you will always be my friend?” He asked, his eyes shining with unshed tears. My vision became blurred with the tears that were spilling down my cheeks.
Yes, that’s a promise I’ll always keep.Even if Liam didn’t agree, I would always be there for Damon as a friend because he had lost so much in life. I knew it would never be enough… I wasn’t doing him justice, and I’d carry that guilt with me for the rest of my life...
“You don’t need to ask me that... Damon, you are always going to be someone special to me. I love you, too. I want you to know that….”
I also wish I could tell you that I had a connection to you, too. Before the mating ball, I had feelings for you both… Liam was my first love... but I loved you, too... but what’s the point in saying all that when all I’m doing is hurting you?
I broke into wracking sobs, letting go of his wrists to clamp my hands over my mouth. It hurt. I couldn’t breathe. My chest… my heart.Breathe… breathe…
His arms wrapped around me, pulling me into his chest. He stroked my hair, not caring that I was soaking his shirt with my tears. He rubbed my back as I took deep breaths, but for some reason, I was lacking oxygen.
“I love you, too... you’re a pure soul, Raven…” he whispered, his voice thick, and I dared to look up to see his own eyes glinting with tears. I gasped, sobbing painfully. “It won’t be goodbye….” His soothing words and gentle caress, why was he so selfless? Did he agree because he wanted to? Or was it because he didn’t want to make my decision harder for me?
“This is for someone we both love,” he added quietly, kissing the top of my head.
I nodded. For someone we both love…
Liam
