Page 97 of Caged Between the Beta & Alpha
“So, something you would do with a friend…” Taylor said. “Okay… out of curiosity, which one have you kissed?”
“Both, but Damon only once,” I replied, pouting.
“Damn, girl! Dare I ask how many times you’ve kissed Liam?” He teased. I sighed.
“It’s because Damon said-”
“Stop justifying it. We are talking about your feelings here,” he said softly, giving my hand a squeeze before dipping his fries into the ketchup. I nodded, thinking about Damon once more. Deep down, I knew who I favoured, but I hated myself for it. “There’s no guilt or shame in loving someone... it doesn’t make you bad to feel stronger for one over the other. Can you imagine being with Damon and rejecting Liam?”
Life without Liam…
My heart clenched painfully, and my eyes stung. The fear of the curse and what if that became a reality. His words from earlier echoed in my mind,
“When you are mine…”
I knew he could sense my hesitation… it hurt so damn much. I was an awful mate to both. I placed my face in my hands as the tears came, no longer able to hold them back.
“Damn, I’m sorry, Raven!” Taylor’s panicked voice came.
I shook my head, but I was unable to stop. I knew what I had to do, but just thinking about it broke me. I didn’t want to hurt him… I couldn’t hurt him. I sobbed loudly, clamping my hands over my mouth as I bent down, pressing my forehead to my knees as I tried to stop my tears.
Taylor’s arms wrapped around me and held me tight.
“Shit, I’m sorry, Raven… I’m damn sorry…”
Don’t be... you just made me realise I am doing more damage than good,I whispered through the link.
He stroked my back, and I felt ridiculous crying like this, but I realised all my life, I just stayed quiet because it was easier. We couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t do this anymore. I wanted all my firsts to be special, not constantly worrying about what the other might be thinking or the fact that I kept feeling guilty.
“I’m going to say this to myself as much as to you,” Taylor said, kissing the top of my head. “Life isn’t perfect or easy… the stories of soul mates and their eternal love are only sugar-coated versions of reality. Look at those power couples around us… Alpha Elijah and Luna Scarlett’s. Sure we know them as this amazing couple who love each other deeply and have the chemistry to die for… but they did not have it easy — even on their journeys, there were difficulties. We need to create our own love stories and overcome our differences, issues, and hardships to make them perfect... but also remember that we need to get to that perfect part. To remember that the pain we’re feeling right now is part of that journey, a part we need to overcome…” I nodded as I tried to steady my breathing and calm down.
“I know... you’re right... I’m scared knowing I might hurt someone and knowing that I’m already hurting Damon, Liam… myself…”
“I know, baby girl, but that’s life, and you are one badass queen who has got this.” I wished I could tell him I was just an ordinary wallflower, not a badass queen... but he’s being sweet, so I won’t argue.
“I’m tired…tired of it all,” I whispered.
“It’s okay to be,” he replied. I pulled away slightly and looked at him with a tilt of my head.
“So… what about you?” I asked, wiping my tears away. He looked down.
“I need to talk to Channing. He deserves to know… but I have been delaying it,” he admitted, his eyes pained.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Don’t be. I’ll figure it out,” he comforted me. I nodded and took a deep breath.
“Okay, we are going to do what we need to do,” I said with renewed determination, feeling a lot better after crying and talking to him. He gave me a small smile and nodded.
“Yeah… we will.”
We had cleared up the takeaway boxes and settled down, nibbling at the cotton candy, when Liam’s voice came through the link, making my cheeks burn at the memory of earlier.
Raven?
Yeah?I asked, my heart thumping.
Your father’s trial is this coming Monday. Are you okay with testifying openly or privately…?My heart skipped a beat. So he was actually listening to Uncle El. I felt so happy about that. I smiled softly.
