Page 96 of If You Could See the Sun
Dimly, I remember myself thinking not too long ago that we could never kiss. Something about stubbornness. Something about discipline. I remember thinking a month ago about how much I hated him, how I couldn’t bear to even be in the same room as him.
Now I can’t bear the few inches of distance between us.
“You know what? I’m just going to go ahead with it,” I decide out loud.
Henry freezes and stares at me as if I’m speaking another language. “With what?”
“This.”
I draw in a sharp breath. Focus on his lips.
Then, before I can lose my nerve, I seize Henry Li’s collar and kiss him.
Or rather, I sort of smash my face against his, which is exactly as smooth and romantic as it sounds. I don’t even have time toregisterhow it feels when he jerks his head back with a muffled yelp.
I release him, mortified, and see him raising one finger to the corner of his mouth, a stunned expression on his face. Both his lips and ears are tinged red. “Alice. You justbitme.”
Well, shit.
“I—I’m so sorry,” I babble, fighting the urge to flee to the other end of the universe. Oh my god. Why did I just do that? What was I thinking? Why am I evenaliveright now? “I swear I wasn’t—It didn’t—”
I break off when I see Henry double over, his shoulders shaking. For one horrifying, heart-stopping moment, I’m scared I might’ve actually caused some severe tissue damage.
Then I realize that he’s laughing.
All my concern boils into indignation.
“It’s not funny,” I protest, my cheeks hot, my voice coming out embarrassingly shrill. “This—this was meant to be a very serious, touching moment, and you were meant to fall desperately in love with me on the spot and discover how good I am—”
The rest of my words die on my tongue as Henry straightens, laughter still dancing in his eyes, cups my face in one hand, and presses his lips against mine.
This time, I do register the kiss, everything from the warmth of his skin to the brush of his lashes when he closes his eyes and—
Wow.
It’s nothing like the way they describe it in the movies, like all the stars aligning and fireworks exploding across an ink-black sky. It feels both quieter and bigger than that, as simple as coming home and as dizzying and all-encompassing as the wind rushing in around us. It feels like a thousand banished and buried moments have been building up to this—to us alone and untethered and weak with wanting—and maybe they have.
A low, embarrassing sound escapes the base of my throat.
Henry responds by leaning deeper into the kiss, and the world goes hazy. All I can think about is his lips, so devastatingly soft on mine, and his hands, now firm around the back of my neck, tangling deep in the roots of my hair...
There’s a slight chance that he’s better at this than I am.
Just this once, I’ll let him have it.
20
I barely remember the car ride from Airington to my apartment. I’d let Henry’s chauffeur drive us, partly because I wanted to be around Henry as long as time would allow, and partly because I wasn’t sure I could trust myself to take the subway without getting lost. My mind felt numb, hot, like it’d been set aflame. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t evenbreatheproperly.
Worse still, I couldn’t stop glancing at Henry’s lips, even as he walked me to my front door and waved goodbye. This, I suppose, is one of those unexpected side effects of kissing that no one ever warned me about: after you kiss someone once, the possibilities of kissing them again are endless.
But now, sitting back down inside my cluttered living room, the idea of making out with Henry Li is the last thing on my mind.
Both Xiaoyi and Mama went out while I was still at school—Xiaoyi, to get a foot massage, and Mama, to handle something at the hospital—leaving only Baba and me in the flat.
“I just got call from your school,” Baba tells me as he enters the room.
I watch him carefully from the couch, assessing his expression, his tone. I wasn’t exaggerating when I told Henry that Baba and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms these days; he only addresses me when necessary, and always with a heavy air of disappointment. But the near-permanent furrow between his brows appears to have smoothed out a little, and he’s approaching me directly. Good signs.
