Page 40 of Chasing the Wild
"Let me finish. Please." I took a shaky breath. "You asked me to choose you in three hours. And I couldn't do it. I was too scared, too worried about doing the responsible thing, too convinced that if I just went back and handled everything properly, I could have both. But you were right. I would have talked myself out of it. Manhattan would have swallowed me up and I would have convinced myself we were just a fling." I moved closer. "So I'm here now. Three weeks late, with all my belongings and a business plan and no backup plan. I'm here to prove I'm brave enough for your world. To show you I'm not running anymore. I'm choosing you. I'm choosing us. I'm choosing this life."
"And if I say no?" His jaw was tight, his eyes searching mine. "If I say I can't trust you not to leave again when things get hard?"
The question hurt, but I deserved it.
"Then I'll still stay in Vermont. I'll still build my life here. Because this isn't about you saving me It's about me saving myself. You just showed me it was possible." I swallowed hard."But I really, really hope you say yes. Because I love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life proving it."
Silence stretched between us, and I watched emotions war across his face.
"I gave you an ultimatum," he said. "Three hours to throw away your entire life. That wasn't fair, Jess. That was me being terrified you'd leave so I forced you to choose immediately. So I could control when the rejection happened."
"Sam—"
"I've been left my whole life," he continued, the words coming faster now like a dam breaking. "Every foster home. Every temporary placement. Every time I thought maybe this time would be different, maybe these people would keep me." His voice cracked. "I learned not to hope. Learned to expect the leaving. And when you showed up and I fell for you, I was so fucking scared that I'd get attached and you'd leave anyway."
My heart broke for him. For the boy who'd never been chosen. For the man who'd learned to protect himself by pushing people away first.
"I had another brother once," Sam said quietly. "Foster brother. Daniel. We were in the same home for two years. Longest I'd ever been anywhere. We were best friends. We shared a room, had each other's backs, made plans for when we aged out of the system." He looked at the mountains, not at me. "I thought we were brothers forever. Thought I'd finally found someone who'd stay."
"What happened?"
"A family wanted to adopt him. Just him. They didn't want both of us. They said one kid was enough." His voice was hollow. "And Daniel wanted to go. Wanted a real family, a permanent home. I told him it was okay. That I understood. That he should take the chance. He promised he'd stay in touch. That we'd still be brothers. But after he left..." Sam's jaw clenched. "Nothing. Itwas like I'd never existed. He got his real family and forgot about the temporary brother who'd been there when no one else was."
I moved closer, aching for the boy who'd lost his brother, the man who'd learned not to trust promises.
"I'm not Daniel," I said softly. "I'm won’t leave you."
"You left for your career. For the life you'd built. For the responsible choice. How is that different?"
"Because I came back," I said fiercely. "I realized I'd made a mistake and I'm here, with everything I own, telling you I choose you."
"For now. But what happens in six months when you miss your career? When mountain life gets hard? When you remember what you gave up?"
"I'm not asking you to believe I'll never have doubts or fears or moments where I miss parts of my old life. I'm asking you to believe that I'll choose us anyway. That I'll stay and work through it instead of running."
"I was wrong too."
"What?"
"I should have given you time to figure it out properly." His hand came up to cup my face. "I tested you instead of trusting you."
"We both fucked up," I whispered.
"Yeah." His thumb traced my cheekbone. "But you’re here. And I’m not going to let you go again. I love you."
"You sure?" Fresh tears spilled over.
"I’ve been sure since the moment I say you." His forehead pressed against mine.
"I love you too," I sobbed. "I'm sorry I couldn't be brave enough the first time."
"Hey." He tilted my face up. "You're brave enough now. That's what matters.”
He kissed me then, deep and claiming and full of three weeks of pain and longing and desperate need. When he finally pulled back, we were both breathing hard.
"Come inside," he said. "We'll get your stuff later. Right now I need you in my bed where I can prove I'm keeping you. Where you're going to stay while I spend the next several hours reminding you exactly who you belong to."
He carried me inside, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, finally letting myself believe this was real.
