Page 14 of 2204 Hunter Lane
“Be there in twenty.” I hung up and placed my paintbrush in a cup of water, stirring the remnants of acrylic out of the bristles.
I took one last look at the white Malibu that belonged to Bambi and shook my head.You better be gone by the time I get back.
Chapter Seven
Marley
As soon as I entered the house, I ran straight to the basement and cried. Like a freaking toddler who got their applesauce taken away, I bawled my eyes out.
Yes I had a plan in place, but I also needed to regain my composure because Lord knows I needed all the strength right about now.
Why the hell I even cared about what this stranger in the middle of Nebraska thought of me was ludicrous. And yet, I did. I did because a part of me liked the feeling of home that this family provided. This smidgen of normalcy that I didn’t experience in the big time rush of New York.
Growing up, my parents would never let Adam and I eat any junk food. My mom put us on a strict Paleo diet plan where carbs were forbidden and sugar was a cardinal sin.
I remember when I was in my mid-teens, I asked her if she was training me to be a model because I couldn’t fathom all the restrictions. And you know what this woman said to me? “You’remydaughter, and that comes with responsibilities. One day when you get into the working world, you can use those pretty features to your advantage. Isn’t that right, Mike?”
My heart practically split in two when my dad agreed. He literally agreed to my own mother objectifying his daughter like she was some slab of meat to be sold on the market.
But the worst part was, I soaked in all of it. I relished in it. I thought I was this perfect little princess on Castle Hill and everyone loved me. I’d hookup with the hottest guys, get invited to the best parties, throw bitchy glares at shy kids in the halls.I became my mom.
When I moved out for school, I started binge eating on sweets and processed foods just to rebel against her. Kind of like a fat brag: ‘HA, you can’t control my life anymore’. But instead, I gained twenty pounds and developed an eating disorder which threw me into a ghastly depression.
I skipped out on all our family parties because I was so ashamed of my loss of self and what they’d say, which in turn made my family’s opinion of me even worse.
A few months before I met Todd, I’d finally picked myself up off the ground and began training again. I limited my sugar intake to just once or twice a week,and thank God for Payton’s cinnamon roll last night because I freaking needed that,and started eating whole foods.
I was a good mix of lean and strong, thanks to all my yoga and cycling classes, but that didn’t mean my mom’s scrutiny went away. She’d still pick apart my eating habits and comment on any fine lines on my face. To me, I was her Barbie doll gone rogue. To my dad, I was a failed waste of potential.
Maybe that’s why I was so messed up in the head.Imagine being petrified of sweets? The best creation on Earth?It was stupid! I hated eating bland food every day, but I forced it to be my preferred palette.
God, thinking about it now… I really didn’t have time to find myself. Instead, I was just chasing the shadow of a girl my parents created.
Maybe that’s why I never felt like I was good enough for anyone. For all of my shitty boyfriends who treated me like dirt, for all of the jobs I couldn’t keep, the friends I’d lose to pointless drama.
Theywere the problem.Theymade me this way.But who the hell am I when I’m alone?
I sought out validation from people who didn’t like me. I gave second chances to people who didn’t deserve it. I turned a blind eye to manipulation because I mistook it for affection.
Honestly, I thought if I could please the people who hurt me, turn their opinions around, then I won. I won them over and I was useful. Because often times, people branded others based off their own insecurities. And I sure as hell didn’t want to be someone’s painful reminder of what they hated.
Maybe that’s why Hunter got under my skin. He didn’t even give me a chance, didn’t want to. He was rude, disrespectful, intimidating… an absolute wrecking ball. And yet here I was all the same, thinking about those shark blue eyes and wondering why they looked so sad.
Maybe it was just my delusional belief that I could change people, or fix them for that matter. There had to be something wrong with him. I mean, a person couldn’t just act so aloof and cold without a back story. Payton had even said he’d been through a lot.But what was a lot?
God, screw it. You know what? I didn’t have time to think about some asshat who hated my guts, despite whatever the hell he went through. No, I was going to help Payton. I needed a distraction, something to keep my mind off my crumbling life. I neededanything.
After wiping the grey smudge underneath my eyes, I reapplied another light coat of mascara and gathered myself, climbing the stairs to the walkway.
Faint voices of her and Dex chatting floated from the kitchen, but only about mundane things like the news and harvest season.I guess now’s a good time.
I knocked on the door frame lightly, smiling as they noticed me come in.
“Good morning,” I released.
Payton grinned brightly but Dex paid me no mind, taking one last swig of coffee before clearing his throat.
“Car keys are out back with Hunter.” He mumbled under his breath.
