Page 84 of 2204 Hunter Lane
Otherwise my heart would take control, and I’d go running back into that crowd to findBambiin a heartbeat.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Marley
Words couldn’t describe how badly that hurt.
It sounded absolutely ridiculous; the fact that I spent every night this past week thinking about how Hunter called me by my real name, instead of Bambi.
At first, I thought the nickname was freaking irritating. But after a while, I almost caught myself smiling every time it left his lips.
Marleyjust didn’t sound right coming from him. From the day we met, he’d branded me with something personal, something entirely his. And now it was nothing. He was done with me, and that much I knew.
When I saw Hunter that day, exactly seven days ago, Winter and I were actually talking about him on the way to the flea market. And clearly, my mind had manifested him popping up because there he was with Josh, sprightly as ever.
That was until he saw me.
Hunter had been cold before, stand-offish and intimidating but this… this was an entirely different case. He was ruthless, cruel, impossible. There was nothing I could’ve done differently that would have gotten through to him.
Looking back on it now, it was a complete waste of an altercation. My words carried zero merit and I just had to accept that he wouldn’t listen to me… well, not verbally anyway.
I’d been sitting on this idea for the past forty-eight hours. Was it a good one? No, probably not. Once again, it would most likely be a complete waste of my time but I couldn’t drop it. I couldn’t drop him.
After finding out about his mother, I just wanted to help him. Maybe I was the bitter apple in all of this, but I was positive that if I got through to him one last time, I wouldn’t let him slip. He was deeply troubled, and he needed someone. I don’t know why I wanted to be that person but I did, and I wasn’t apologizing for it.
Growing up, I always wanted to change the discomfort in my life. My parents, friends, all of my toxic ex’s; I felt like I could bring something to the table. I fell in love with the idea of love and they just happened to be the accessory I was using. So naturally, I made them something special even if they weren’t.
Hunter wasn’t like this. I despised him at first, everything about him. I didn’t want to get to know him, didn’t want to be in the same room as him. But after months of grovelling and painstakingly horrid interactions, we’d managed to build something substantial.
Through it all, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. I saw the bad parts of him and I accepted them. Only that was the problem – he didn’t. To Hunter, everything human about him was an issue to be solved, but he didn’t know how to move forward. Truthfully, I don’t know that he even wanted to.
But I wanted him to. I couldn’t see this fall. So I decided to put my plan in action, and I sat on my bed. Tearing out a sheet of paper from my notebook, I grabbed my pen and I began to write.If he won’t listen to my voice, maybe he’ll listen to my words.
???
Dear Hunter Lane,
This is weird, I know. I don’t really know what to say all things considered. But I just… I need to talk to you. I know technically by me writing this letter we aren’t actually having a conversation, but this is the closest thing to it so here I am.
I just wanted to start off by saying I’m sorry. Not sorry for calling the police, but sorry for what happened to you and your mother. I did it, Hunter. I caved and I researched what happened the night of your mom’s death and my heart breaks for you in every single way.
I don’t blame you for the things that you’ve done, or whatever bad habits you currently do. I will however say that I am never going to apologize for reporting your drunk driving because what you did was dangerous and callous. But I feel like with each passing day, I start to see your layers unravel.
I’m not scared of you, Hunter. I know you try and conceal all the best parts of you, but I don’t know why you do. These past two months have been sunlight in my freaking soul and you smiled and laughed and you showed meweaknessvulnerability and I think that’s why you hate me so much right now.
You think I betrayed you, you think I purposely ruined ourrelationshipfriendship for the gain of something. I don’t understand why you think everyone is out to get you, or intentionally tries to sabotage the good you have in your life.
That was never the case with me, Hunter. I don’t want you to feel ashamed of shining. I don’t want you to believe you aren’t worthy of love or light or happiness. I want you to free yourself from the chains holding you back.
I read in one interview that your mom used to say that pain is a part of life, and she wouldn’t want you to stay stuck in her loss. She’d want you to keep moving forward. What happened to the man that wanted that for himself?
Where di d you go, Hunter?
Anyway, I’m not writing you this letter to make you feel like shit or hurt you further. I just want you to realize that people care about you and Icaredcare about you. You can talk to me whenever you want. However long it takes, I’ll be here.
P.S: Find it in your heart to start calling me Bambi again. I hate the way you say Marley, it’s icky.
Bambi
