Page 91 of 2204 Hunter Lane
And there was about to be even less.
???
The moon took its place in the night sky, shining through the living room window of my shed. I clicked my phone open, reading the time: 12:42am.
A bottle of Jack sat half empty on my side table, taunting me to drink it. But for once, I couldn’t stomach the thought. My mind wouldn’t silence unless I confronted my feelings head on.Bambi’s leavin’, and I drove her away.
“Fuck.” I cursed, gripping the back of my hair.
Every five seconds I’d stare at the bin filled with Marley’s letters. They buzzed at me, called to me, begged me to read them and I almost caved.Almost.
It was like diving into Pandora’s Box. If I decided to rip open one envelope, I’d tear open another, and another until I read them all and crumbled to pieces.
Did I forgive her? No. Could I forgive her? Did I miss her?
Screw it.
I bent down and snagged all the white envelopes, laying them out in front of me. My heart hammered in my chest as I inspected the dainty little swirls of her cursive, reading my name plastered on the front of each envelope:Hunter Lane.
My eyes tore away from the letters, spying the label of Jack.Goddamn it.
I flicked off the cap and downed a generous amount of dark liquor, shoving it away before I lost control.
It’ll take one second to rip this open. One second to hear her out. One second to have some heart and listen.
I didn’t have to forgive her to open them. This is what I wanted, right? I wanted her gone and she was leaving, so what did I have to lose?
Nothing. I lose nothing.I told myself.Fucking nothing.
And I read.
???
I didn’t let myself break until I read the last letter. The letter she gave me at Cid’s. The letter she pleaded for me to read.The letter… Where’s that fucking letter!
My jeans from that night were buried in my hamper as I tore and tore away a mountain of fabric before I found it lodged in the back pocket, tearing the last envelope.
It was heavier than the rest of them, and the second I opened it I discovered why.
The I <3 Nebraska keychain I’d given her for Christmas was lodged between the page, burning my eyes as I stared at the shimmering heart before reading the letter frantically.
Dear Hunter Lane,
I’m embarrassed to say that the only thing that held me back from leaving was you. For months, I’d been contemplating going back to New York, since Ella (my brother’s daughter) was going to be born. But now, she’s finally here Hunter… in this world, myniece.
I’m going to be an aunt! Not like you care, but I’m happy and I know I can’t tell you that because you hate my guts. But it makes me happy sharing these things with you. These little moments… I just wish you’d listen to.
Hunter, I’m going to move back home. Nebraska, Aurora, Lincoln, all of this… it was a journey. An experience I’ll never forget. To stop myself from crying, I tell myself that not every stop is a destination and the people you meet on the road have their own memories to create.
God, Hunter, I wanted to create those memories with you. I don’t know how to put my feelings into words, but I really reallyreallyliked you. And I sound like a pre-schooler saying this but I don’t know how else to word it.
I’m not madly in love with you, I don’t think our relationship qualifies for that sort of thing. There are so many layers I never had the chance to pick apart, and now, I never will. But just know, when we were good, I felt incredible. All the insecurities, they faded away. All the laughs, they stayed with me, knocking in my brain when I was sad. I loved spending time with you, hiking with you, watching you fix your truck even though big vehicles intimidate me.
Before I end this letter, I just want you to understand why I did what I did.
That night, when you got behind the wheel of your truck and drove off drunk, I saw this look in your eyes that wanted death. Craved it, in fact. I’d never seen someone look so defeated, so broken before. But I saw it in your eyes at the cottage when Dex finally acknowledged the chaos you created.
You wanted someone to care. You wanted someone to notice. And I did.
