Page 99 of 2204 Hunter Lane
He toyed with the beads on his wrist, sniffing in response. “I’m glad ya didn’t, son.”
Son.I could’ve died right there and had a nice trip. He rarely called me that, rarely called me anything anymore. But acknowledging the fact I was his flesh and blood, that we were family… my mom brought that outta him. Today, she was still watching over us.
“It went well?” He questioned, his dark blue eyes meeting mine underneath his ballcap.
This was the softest my dad could ever be, and it was always on this day. When he actually showed a different side of him that wasn’t uncommunicative or unresponsive. I’ve seen him show it to Payton, but to me? I’ll be damned.
“Well enough that I fuckin’ forgot.” I replied, planting my ass on the ground.
I wasn’t mad at Bambi, I didn’t blame her. Fuck, I thanked her in a sense for making me block out all the trauma I’d endured from that day. It still haunted me every night… every fuckin’ night I’d see her, my beautiful mother, and then… a ghost. A shell, a casket, and me. Standing erect, breathin’, still alive. While she was feasting with the worms in a land unbeknownst to me.
“She stickin’ around?”
I nodded. “For now. Unless I fuck it up again.”
He snorted. “I’m countin’ down the minutes, boy.”
This was as normal as it got. Once a year, I’d tally my blessings and accept him as the dad he was supposed to be, the dad heusedto be before my mom passed. And with what little conversation we exchanged, it still meant more to me than a thousand presents.
“April 22nd, 2017. The day it all changed.” My dad mumbled, twisting his neck. “The day it all went to shit.”
“Damn straight.” I scoffed, drawing up my knees.
“Y’know, a year after your mom died, I met Payton, yah? Every time I thought about her, I’d shut down. Get sad, push her away. A true asshole, Hunt. Kinda like you.”
I flipped him the bird as I chuckled, waiting for him to continue.Begging him to.
“At first, I’d beat myself up about it. I was hurtin’, then I’d hurt Payton, it just wasn’t fair. But slowly, I realized that I was killin’ myself. Ain’t ever let myself feel the happiness your mom brought to my life. But it was possible, it was damn possible.
“I don’t talk ‘bout your mom, not cause I don’t miss her, but cause her and I talk enough. Every mornin’, I come out here, I look outside and I say hey, g’mornin’ Leslie.”
Upon hearing her name, the image of her kind, loving features popped into my brain, as if she’d been there the whole time waiting for me to say hello.
“Look Hunt, my point is I’m real glad that you forget ‘bout today. For the first time in years, I finally saw that smilin’ kid out on the boats with his mama. So go thank Marley for me, will ya?”
I inhaled a breath of air while I hung my head low, shielding my bloodshot eyes from my dad. A tear flowed down my face, dropping onto the ground beneath me as I choked on a laugh.
“You talk a lot, old man.” I joked, sniffling through the bittersweet pain.
He blew out a chuckle. “I talk once a year boy, grab your fill.”
This. This is more than I could’ve asked for. These small moments, the tender ones that rarely happened but existed all the same.
I’d become so used to numbness, building up barriers to block out emotion but when I heard my dad speaking, opening up for the first time in years, it brought me closer to him.
My mom used to say that you can’t love a stone. You can admire it, the outer detail, the display, but once you crack it open is when you relish in the diamonds. The beauty hidden beneath a hard exterior.
I used to think that shutting down was the only way to move forward. Pretending you don’t feel until you convince yourself you don’t. But feeling, vulnerability, that shit wasn’t as weak as I thought it was. Cause my dad was sitting before me, laying his heart on the line and I could’ve never been more proud of that.
“So where you takin’ Marley, tonight?” He probed, bringing me out of my head.
“I’m takin’ her somewhere?”
His laugh was low and rugged. “Oh boy, you already fucked up.”
I furrowed my brows in confusion, standing up. “How?”
“Son, you want a fresh start? Ask her on a date.”
