Page 134 of 2204 Hunter Lane
And the man I loved was sitting beside me, on this warm March afternoon, on a picnic blanket by the lake.
“You don’t understand how much I hate the fuckin’ walker, Bambi. You don’t.”
He shovelled a turkey sandwich into his mouth, gripping a handful of chips as he layered them on top of the meat.
I’d come up with the classic date spread; red-checkered blanket, a basket of wine and homemade sandwiches and some chocolate covered strawberries.Yep, I finally got my picnic date after all. And I had the best company in the entire world.
Sure, I was playing classic rom-com Hallmark movie, but I didn’t care. Every single second I spent with Hunter was precious, valuable. I couldn’t even think about the first day we met, those months that followed of agonizing tension between us.
But now here we were. Holding hands, laughing, cuddled together under the tree shade. We were together. This is what mattered.
All of the little moments in life make up the big ones. We can’t pick which minute matters because they all do. And if you let one of those moments slip, you regret the time you lost when you could’ve had it.
I wasted my minutes hating the Hunter I thought I knew. And I cherished the seconds I spent loving every part of him.
“I quite like the walker,” I teased, biting into a strawberry. “It’s edgy.”
He let out a laugh. It was so good to see him laugh. To watch those dimples, and the creases underneath those crystal eyes. The happiness.Happiness I gave him.
“If ya like edgy, darlin’, I’ll start wearing eyeliner and pierce my ears.”
“You won’t.” I challenged.
“I totally would if –”
His sandwich dropped in his hands, the contents spilling onto his jeans as he muttered in curses, gripping his calf.
On instinct, I placed one hand over his and the other over his knee. “What can I do? Can I help?”
“No, baby.” He eased back, grimacing. “No it’s okay. It flares up sometimes.”
Before I could meet his eyes, I forced down the feelings of pain and sadness. I don’t know why I was always consumed with it. Every time I saw Hunter struggling to walk, or hurting in general, a part of me broke in half.If only we could trade places…
“Don’t cry,” he released, turning my chin to face him.
“I’m sorry this happened to you, Hunter. I’m sorry that guy aggravated you into reckless driving. I’m sorry that you fell into that old habit when you tried so hard to get out of it… God, I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this.”
His soft lips pressed against my forehead as he snuggled in closer, pulling me onto his shoulder.
“Did I ever tell you about the first time I woke up after the surgery?”
My hand gripped his thigh, playing with loose strings on his ripped jeans. “Nope, please share.”
He chuckled. “The nurses told me I was laughin’ my ass off. I remember that. Realizing I manifested my almost-death in the same way my mom went.”
“Hunter…”
“Nah, listen. I cried after that. A lot. At first, I didn’t think it was fair but I was waiting for those feelings of guilt to come back. Y’know, the ones cursin’ the world for letting me live and not Mom.
“They never did. And I realized it was cause I wanted to live. God, I’ve been trying to end it all for years. Four years that’s all I thought about, all I wanted… because I haven’t felt alive since. But here you are, baby.” He leaned his chin atop my head and planted a gentle kiss on my temple. “My lifeline.”
My heart swelled as I pulled him down for a kiss. To consume myself in all of him. To relish in this moment for the rest of my life because he was here with me, completely intact, all mine. Forever.
Never in my life did I think I could find something substantial. I fought off tthe tyrants, the fake love, the horseshit image of affection my parents crafted for me. I hated myself for years, I didn’t have a place. I couldn’t find my purpose, what I wanted… I was a mess.
But when I met Hunter, that all changed.
I channelled my emotions into hating him, into indifference, into friendship then love. Love I suppressed.
