Page 136 of Paint the Town, Dove

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Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Why do you always do this, Scarlett?

FUCK.

“Ryden –” But he was already out of his seat, grabbing a Prosecco mini from the tray, downing it in one go.

I heard his laughter, the ferocity of it extending to a howl as he progressively indulged, more and more, in whatever substance he could find.

That was Ryden.

And where I loved all parts of him, some were destructive to himself –

And most were destructive to me.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Ryden

“We don’t belong in the gold river, we belong by the sand –

Soaking up the moments we’d never understand –”

Arc & Sheild Records:‘Dismay’

Composition By:Ryden Spectre

It makes it worse that I’m grieving.

You think I don’t know that?

I’m a fucking addict, through and through.

I lost my mom, what,twicenow?

Not my choice.

Never my choice.

Grief, man, it rules your life.

You can’t run away from it, you just replace it with more pain. Fill it to the brim, let it overflow and bathe in it.

And you want to know the worst thing about trauma? The sickest, most inhumane thing it does? Your remember all thegoodmoments. Youcravethe beginning, before things turned dark.

That’s why you run back to it.

Time and time again.

I knew Corban beat the shit out of my mom.

I knew she went back.

I knew she left her son.

I knew she loved her son.

I understood her better than anyone now.

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