Page 114 of Paint the Town, Dove
I flattened out the edges, ironing out the writing. It read:
To my Dove, (I flinched)
How I wish things could be different, but I know you will be okay. You deserve to have a life restricted of pain and fear. I’m sorry that my choices have been yielding so much of that in this household. For that, I’ve chosen to leave with Corban. I know if I’m with him, he won’t come back and hurt you. That’s the last thing I want for you. You’re going to be a real adult in a few months. Go out and be exactly who you’re meant to me, my sweet boy.
P.S. I’ve saved you some money. There is two thousand in the envelope.
Love always,
Mom
I dropped the letter. “Where’s the rest of it?”
“The rest of fucking what?”
The entire room was trashed. I swallowed. “Your mom’s letter. She said she left you two thousand dollars.”
He narrowed his eyes, stalking towards me. “That’s…That’swhat you’re concerned about? The money?”
“No, Ryden, I’m just trying to make sense of everything! This is insane –scrap that, this is so fucked! She couldn’t have just left you – she loved…” I lost my breath, flashbacks of Clara standing by the door, watching as her abusive partner beat Ryden to a pulp.
“No,” Ryden clenched his fists. “She didn’t.”
“Ryden –”
“I think I need to be alone, Scarlett,” he whispered, tears flying down his face.
I stood tall. “You’re going to be alone from now on so don’t ask for it.”
“Excuse me?”
“What are you going to do, huh? Are you going to sit here in your kitchen and wait for the fairy godmother to come and whisk you away? Wait for things to fix itself?”
“Scarlett my mom’s GONE! I’M ALLOWED TO FEEL THINGS, I’M ALLOWED TO BE FUCKING CONFUSED AND ANGRY!”
“I didn’t say –”
“NOT EVERYONE CAN SHRUG OFF THE BAD LIKE YOU DO. NOT EVERYONE IS SO USED TO IT!”
I shrunk into myself.
He pulled out his phone, dialled a number I presumed was his mother’s, and threw it across the room at the voicemail.
“I’ve called her every single minute since I saw this note. That was two hours ago. A hundredand twenty calls, Scarlett. One, two, zero.”
I wrapped my arms around myself, avoiding eye contact. “I’m sorry.”
“Scarlett,” he said, moving in front of me. “Scarlett, no, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I know…” he inhaled, “I know your life isn’t your fault, Sinead and Flack… that isn’t your fault. But I’m struggling right now. I need you. And I’m sorry. But please, please be here with me.”
I could’ve slapped him. Despite the tears in my eyes. “I’m always here with you, you dumb idiot. Don’t make this about me.”
“You’re sad!”
“You pissed me off!”
“I just fucking need to breathe!” He pulled me closer, wrapping me in a tight embrace. “Be my air, please, please be my air.”
I rested my forehead against his, fighting off tears.
