Page 84 of Pregnant By the Playboy
“You can have them, too.”
I swallow and burrow my face against his chest.
“They like you,” he says.
“They’d like anyone you brought home because it hadn’t happened in so long.”
“You have a point, but...” He strokes my hair. “I love you, Marissa.”
My heart fills with emotion, then empties.
I can’t say it back.
I do like him very much, and I’ve said “I love you” to many men over the years, but I feel like if I say “I love you” to Vince, it has to mean forever.
I don’t know why I feel that way, but I do.
And though we’re having a baby together, it hasn’t really been that long—I tell myself that’s the problem. It hasn’t been very long, and I don’t truly know yet. I need more time.
But I’m starting to worry. I’m thirty-six, and I’ve had many decent relationships. I’m good at finding kind men and dating them...and then breaking up with them because my feelings aren’t strong enough. I want a happy relationship that lasts years and years, but what if I just can’t have that?
What if I’m incapable of it?
I can’t return Vince’s words, but I press myself against him and enjoy his comfort.
Chapter 23
Vince
“I’ve never felt this way before,” I say. “Nothing even close. Did you know that?”
Evie regards me seriously with her dark eyes and neither nods nor shakes her head.
“You don’t believe me, Evie? I swear, it’s true. I want to hold her for always and never let her go. And dammit, I really want to see my ring on her finger.”
Marissa clearly likes me, but she won’t tell me she loves me, and I’m practically frantic to hear her say it. I haven’t pushed it; I shouldn’t. But she means everything to me, and I can’t stand the thought of never hearing those words from her lips.
And every bit of vulnerability she shows me...it intensifies my feelings.
When I held her last Sunday night, after meeting my family, after she heard Julian sing that song, I became even more desperate. I need her. I don’t know how I’ll manage otherwise. I need to sing our baby to sleep, then crawl into bed with Marissa.
I cannot bear the thought of any other future, and I no longer worry that my feelings won’t last.
Yet sometimes, I still struggle to believe she can love me back. What if there’s something wrong with me that prevents it? I have little experience with this stuff, as everyone knows.
“Did you like Marissa?” I ask Evie.
She makes some incoherent noises.
“I’ll have to stop telling you my secrets. You might repeat them to Mommy and Daddy.”
“What might she repeat to Mommy and Daddy?” Courtney is standing at the door to the playroom, her hair wet and a towel draped over her shoulders.
“Phallic cactus,” I say without missing a beat.
“Thanks, Vince.”
Evie isn’t paying attention to us. She’s crawling toward Pusheen at the other end of the room. Pusheen is better than Labatt 50, of that I’m certain.
