Page 1 of Not Your Valentine
Chapter 1
I hesitate for a moment before destroying the roof. It’s almost too pretty to eat. But there’s a piece of salami with my name on it, so I grab a salami “shingle” off the charcuterie chalet, place it on a small cracker from the walkway, and pop it in my mouth. I follow this up with a sip of wine.
“Noooo!” Esther Zhang cries with faux outrage.
“It had to be done,” I say. “Charcuterie chalets are meant to be eaten. We couldn’t just look at it all night.” Though it was very impressive appearance-wise, and Esther had snapped many pictures of her handiwork.
Emboldened by my move, Whitney McPherson grabs a cheese “brick,” and half the roof collapses. Jasmeet Gill reaches for a pretzel stick.
This is my kind of New Year’s Eve celebration: a charcuterie chalet and copious amounts of wine with my closest friends. The four of us met in undergrad, where we all studied chemistry. Esther’s roommates—both PhD students, like her—are away for the holidays, so she’s invited us over. We’re sitting on dilapidated couches in the living room.
“New Year’s resolutions, anyone?” Esther asks.
“Finish planning my wedding,” Jasmeet says without missing a beat. “I don’t have time for anything else.” She’s currently doing her residency in family medicine.
“I plan to start going to the gym three times a week,” Whitney says, “and use my meditation app every day.”
“Weren’t those your resolutions last year?” Esther asks.
“Yeah, but I didn’t do them. And I really want to get in shape. Luca has so many active hobbies, and I’d like to keep up with him.”
Luca didn’t factor into Whitney’s resolutions a year ago. She only met him in April, but they’ve since become pretty close. He’s hanging out with some friends now, but he’ll be over before midnight so they can ring in the New Year with a kiss.
Jasmeet’s fiancé, on the other hand, is visiting his family in BC, so he won’t be here.
Esther and I? Well…
“My New Year’s resolution is to start dating again,” Esther says.
I almost spit my red wine on the couch.
“What?” she says. “Why shouldn’t I date?”
I appreciate having another single person in our friend group, that’s all. But if she wants to put herself out there, that’s her choice.
“You should join me!” she adds.
Now, that’s taking things a little far.
First of all, I do not do New Year’s resolutions. I think they’re stupid. You’re never going to catch me making a resolution to eat healthier, save more money, or go to the gym more often.
Second of all, I’ve sworn off dating.
“We’ll both sign up for dating apps and singles mixers,” Esther says.
“Singles mixers?” I ask in horror. “Are those actually a thing? Wait—never mind. I don’t need to know. I have no interest in dating.”
“Aw, come on!”
Everything inside me recoils at the idea of “putting myself out there.” I prefer being alone in my apartment with a book and a glass of wine, tea, or similar, rather than risk going viral on the internet.
That’s how my last relationship ended.
Charlie Kung broke up with me at a restaurant last Valentine’s Day, a break-up that practically everyone in the world witnessed.
Okay, I’m exaggerating, but only a little.
You know that clichéd line, “It’s not you, it’s me”? Well, Charlie didn’t say that. Instead, he said, “It’s not me, it’s you. You’re holding me back.”
