Page 10 of Four Weddings to Fall in Love
Yes, I know orgasms aren’t the be-all-and-end-all of sex, but for me, they’re usually part of a pleasurable sexual experience, and I feel like Max didn’t focus enough on me tonight.It was too fast, and it just felt off.
I glare at the back of his head, tempted to wake him up and kick him out of my room.Instead, I shut my eyes and try to sleep.
But with the frustration coursing through my veins, I fear this will take a while.
I wonder when I’ll finally end my dry spell ofgoodsex.
Chapter 5
Max
WhenIwakeup,the lights are out.It takes me a moment to remember where I am, but once I do, my mind is clearer than it was earlier.
I check the alarm clock.The digits glow in the dark room.
12:04.
Shit.I came to Kim’s room, completely lost my mind when she took off her dress, and embarrassed myself when I tried to remove her bra.
And she didn’t even come.
When I got back to bed, I should have offered to go down on her.I barely had my mouth on her earlier, and I want more.But now she’s asleep and…
Shit.
Kim chosemetonight, and I felt honored.I bet she knows good sex, and I’m positive I didn’t live up to expectations.There wasn’t enough foreplay.I should have asked what she wanted and made sure she enjoyed herself more.I shouldn’t have immediately fallen asleep.
Dammit.Maybe I’m just not built for one-night stands.Maybe it’s just too hard for me to be with a woman I barely know.
I’m usually good at pleasing my partner—I swear I am—but this whole experience was too overwhelming for my poor brain.I’ve never slept with a woman on the day I met her.I wasn’t prepared.I was focused on not coming too early, but that wouldn’t have been the end of the world, if she still had fun.
I wish I had a chance to prove that I really can be good in bed.I’m no sex god, but my girlfriends have been satisfied in the past.I made sure of it.
I doubt she’d want to give me another chance, though.Even if she did, I think I would be too embarrassed to look her in the eyes.How the fuck did I screw this up?She was so amazing…
Too amazing for me, I suppose.
I can’t stay the night.I can’t imagine she’d want me to stay the night.
Silently, I get dressed—somehow, I manage to find all my clothes in the dark—and vow to head home early tomorrow so there’s no chance of running into her at breakfast.
Before I leave, I glance toward the lump in the bed.Kim is lying on her side, facing away from the door.I can’t see much with the lights out, but I’m sure her face and naked body will be seared in my brain for a long, long time to come.I’ll try not to obsess about my failure, although knowing me, that’s a lost cause.
As quietly as possible, I head to the door and step into the hallway.Thank God nobody’s around.I’m never going to tellanyoneabout what happened tonight.Since I doubt I’ll ever see Kim again, that shouldn’t be a problem.
But I hate that I disappointed her, and at 2 a.m., predictably, I’m still wide awake, annoyed with myself as I ruminate about what happened.
I also find myself fearing—as I often do when I’m awake at this hour—that fulfilling a checklist, like I did for my ex, is all I can ever be.I had to break up with her because I don’t want to feel like my potential wife settled for me.I want be someone’s first choice, even though I’m not the sort of man who tends to inspire strong feelings.
What if I’m hoping for the impossible?
“Fucking hell,” I mutter.
Chapter 6
Kim
Atbreakfast,Isitwith Iris and Alex, her husband.Max, luckily, isn’t present, and you know who else isn’t here?Tessa and Malcolm.Heh.
