Page 86 of Four Weddings to Fall in Love
“Go ahead,” she says.
“You really don’t regret getting married?”
“No.”
“What about dealing with your husband’s family?You don’t get along with his brother’s wife.How about his parents?”
“My mother-in-law didn’t like me until I gave birth to her first grandson, followed by three more boys.Gladys has never forgiven me for that.”She shrugs.“I manage.I don’t regret marrying him instead of the man I was supposed to…”
“Wait, who were you supposed to marry?”
There’s a split second of panic on her face.“Forget I said that.”
I’m not sure I’ll be able to, but I nod.Does Max know about this?
“So.Uh.”I have more I want to say, but it takes a moment to find my words.“Was your husband mad that you didn’t get along with your mother-in-law?Did he tell her about all your problems?”
“Ah, once he got mad at me for something, but only once.I was pretty rude, so, I can’t blame him.He always had my back.That’s the most important thing.”
And that was the problem with Troy.It didn’t feel like he had my back—with his family, or in general.With his mother, it felt like I was being thrown to the wolves.
Max is close to his family, yes, but he wouldn’t stand for them mistreating me.Even if he feels extra responsibility as the oldest son, I can’t imagine him forcing me to grit my teeth and bear it over and over.
And really, Lynne seems quite lovely.I think we could get along.She might not make a warm and friendly first impression, but she’s been kind and understanding today—I can see the similarities between her and Max.She listened to Yvonne, rather than pressing ahead with her own agenda, and she listened to me, too.
My mother doesn’t pay attention to me like that; it feels as if she’s never really seen me, never cared about my own wishes.I’ve given up on expecting anything else from her.
I used to dread having to deal with someone else’s family on a regular basis, and I particularly dreaded having a mother-in-law similar to my own mom.Like Troy’s mother, unfortunately—they have a lot in common.Troy’s mom didn’t see me as my own person.I suspect Mom wouldn’t treat a daughter-in-law well, either; she’d likely be better with a son-in-law.
Yes, I’ve had bad luck with the families of the men I’ve dated, and that’s across a variety of cultural backgrounds, but I know not all parents are the same.I mean, I’ve had things go wrong with a partner’s family in a bunch of different ways.
Tessa and Iris, who also have Asian mothers, didn’t have experiences like mine.Tessa is close to her mom.Iris’s relationship with her mother has had its ups and downs, and sure, her mother can be overbearing at times, but they’ve had real heart-to-heart talks, the sort I couldn’t dream of having with my mom.
“Is something wrong, Kim?”Lynne’s eyebrows draw together.“Why are you asking me these questions?”
“Just some problems I’ve had with men in the past,” I say vaguely, hoping that’s enough.“But Max has been wonderful to me, I promise.”
“I think he’d make a good partner, and I’m not just saying that because he’s my son.”
“It doesn’t seem like you’ve ever insisted he get married or have kids.”
“I don’t want to pressure him.What if he ends up with the wrong person?”She pauses.“I know Max worries about me.He’s sensitive.Ever since my youngest was born…” She shakes her head.“He grew up too early.At the time, I was thankful, but later, I saw it was too much.He almost never says no when we ask for something, and it would be easy to take advantage of that, but I try not to.”
I nod.I can believe that now.
“In some families,” she says, “the mother-in-law is a bully, and the daughter-in-law is expected to take on endless chores and be respectful no matter what, but I want you to know…I would never wish it to be that way.”
I blow out a breath.“I appreciate that.Thank you.”
Will there still be some negotiation of boundaries?Probably.But I want to be a part of this family, I want to figure out how to make it work with Max and everyone who’s important to him.
I don’t want to run.
There’s a benefit, of course, to close extended families, but if you have a toxic family, it can be a noose.It might seem silly to think about this when we haven’t been dating very long, yet I can’t help it, due to past experiences.And as my own mother keeps reminding me, I’m getting old.
Even if Max’s family wasn’t great, though, it might still work between us because he wouldn’t let them wear me down.The relationship wouldn’t come at a net cost to me.He’d stand up for me—I’m sure of that now.
But I’m glad Lynne and I see eye to eye.It makes things easier.I haven’t spent as much time with Howie, but so far, I’m hopeful.
