Page 64 of Two Friends in Marriage
I think back to our wedding night, when I was foolishly sad that I hadn’t married for love.When I wondered if I should have waited until it happened to me again, then hoped against reason that it wouldn’t end like it had so many times before.
I got what I wanted after all, but it doesn’t feel good.I’m unsure of her exact feelings toward me, even as she releases a sigh of satisfaction in my arms.
Her alarm beeps.She turns it off, then rolls over.
“Did I snore last night?”I ask.“Is that why you came in here?”
“No,” she says.“I just didn’t want to disturb you as I read negative reviews online.Finally fell asleep around three.”
There were times in my life when four hours would have been an average night’s sleep, but it’s not ideal.I will care for her the way she cared for me last night.
“Was something in particular keeping you up?”I ask.
She shakes her head.“Just happens sometimes.”
I know what that’s like.Still, it doesn’t assuage my fears that I am, somehow, the one to blame, but I’m not going to push it.
“Were you worried when I wasn’t in bed?”she asks.
“A little.”
She pulls me close, like she can’t help touching me, which is the same way I feel about her.It’s often not sexual; I just want to hold her, reassure myself with her presence.
But I wonder how long this can last.
Chapter 21
Jane
Iworklaterthanusual to make up for yesterday, and just as I’m about to shut everything down for the weekend, my phone rings.
My father.
I’m functioning on less sleep than usual, and I’m so not in the mood for this, but I answer anyway, as I always do when he calls.
“Hi,” I say, settling back in my comfy office chair.
“Hi, Jane.How are you?”
“Good.”
Some people might feel comfortable being honest when their parents ask them such a question, but “honesty” hasn’t described how I’ve interacted with my father for a couple of decades now.
Though in many ways Iamgood, aside from last night’s poor sleep.My life has a nice rhythm, even if I’m unsure where this is all going.
“How is…Evan?”he asks.“Is that his name?”
Once again, I assure him that everything is good.“How are Suzanne and the kids?”
“Peyton just started university.I can’t believe she’s so grown up.”
I wonder if he made a comment like that when I began university, which feels so long ago now.Or maybe he was too caught up with his new family to think about it much.I was a reminder of the past; they were the future.
I try not to let it bother me.For the most part, I’ve come to terms with the fact that my father isn’t who I want him to be; there’s no point hoping otherwise.It only leads to disappointment.
“Have you been…” Dad pauses.“Have you been keeping up with your pap smears?”
“Yes,” I tell him.“I got one last year.No issues.”
