Page 69 of Two Friends in Marriage
“But you wanted to get married and buy a house?”
“Yeah.”
There’s a moment of uncomfortable silence, and I busy myself with my mooncake, which doesn’t taste as good as it should; I can barely swallow.
“You didn’t tell any of us,” Max says.“So, why are you telling me now?”
I shut my eyes.“People don’t respond well when you tell them that you’ve given up.This sort of marriage?It’s just not…” I gesture feebly.I don’t know what to say.
Max doesn’t speak.
I open my eyes.It looks like he’s waiting for me to continue.
“I know the engagement came out of nowhere,” I say, “and you were hurt that I kept a big secret from you.”
“I wasn’t hurt.”
Now it’s my turn to arch an eyebrow—or at least try to do so.He’s much better at it than I am.“I know you were, but you didn’t refuse to act as a witness.”
We lapse into silence once more.
“You’re right,” he says at last.“I would have told you not to give up.I would have told you that it took me a long time to find the right person, but eventually, I did.”
“But I didn’twantlove.Well, in theory I did, but I’d started associating it with heartbreak.Going through that again…it didn’t feel safe.”I don’t mention the issues that my depression—and the side effects of treatment—had on my relationships.
“Is this where you tell me that you’ve since fallen in love with her?”Max asks.
Ugh.Why does he have to be so smart?
“Unfortunately, yes.”I drop my head into my hands.“Why do I keep doing this?I just can’t learn.I should have realized that being in close proximity to someone else—someone I already liked as a friend—would make me more likely to fall for them.”
“You’re speaking as though this is a personality flaw.”
“Because it is!There are probably tons of people I could fall in love with, if we got married and lived together.”
“Do you really think that’s true?”he asks.
“Are you trying to say she’s special?”
“Maybe she is.”
Against my will, I’m filled with hope.I swallow a mouthful of hot tea, as though that will dissolve my optimism.
“I don’t think it’s easy to fall in love with someone just because you live together,” Max says.“Many relationships fall apart at that point.When you live with someone, they can get on your nerves in ways they never did before.You realize you’re incompatible in one respect or another.”
I glance around the apartment.Max said, just a few minutes ago, that he’d found the right person, but I can’t help wondering…
“Kim and I are fine,” he says, “but I’ve seen it happen to other people.Including you.”
He’s not wrong, though that was a while ago now.
Maybe thisisdifferent.But I’ve thought that many times before, haven’t I?
“Are you sleeping together?”he asks.
“Yes.”
“I assume you haven’t told her how you feel?”
