Page 3 of Two Friends in Marriage
My thirty-third birthday.
It’s not like I expected to die young, but there’s some small part of me that couldn’t fathom living to be thirty-three when my mom didn’t make it to this age.How can I be older than she ever was?
It seems impossible, yet it’s now reality.
As I get ready for the workday, my thoughts drift to the spring of 2020.When we were more or less locked down, Evan Mok and I made a marriage pact.I was a little drunk, and somehow, it just made sense.We even shook on it, as best we could.
I didn’t expect anything to come of it.I figured Evan—who’s objectively more lovable than I am—would be in another long-term relationship by this point.When he started dating Graham a year ago, I assumed this was it.
I was more disappointed than I ought to have been.
I knew I should be glad that my friend was happily in love.It’s not like I’m in love with Evan; I’ve known him for fifteen years, and in all that time, I’ve never had a crush on him.But marrying a friend really does seem like a solid plan.Dating is far too painful, yet for some reason, I’ve always secretly thought I’d get married.And it’snotbecause I have some old-fashioned notion that this is what you do if you’re a woman.
No, I just like the idea of long-term companionship and commitment, and nothing made it clearer to me than the well of loneliness that consumed me early in the pandemic.
I’m tired of being alone.
So, after Evan and his boyfriend broke up, I start thinking more about that Zoom call.In October, when we were enjoying lunch outside on an unseasonably warm day, I reminded him of our pact.I said I wouldn’t hold him to it if he wasn’t interested, but…
He was.
For the first time in ages, I felt a flutter in my chest.The kind of flutter that people normally associate with romance, but that wasn’t the reason; it was just the thrill of taking my life into my own hands.Making things happen, rather than waiting for them to happen to me.
Yes, I’m getting engaged tonight.
Evan sets the bakery box on my kitchen table and lifts the lid with a flourish.
“You didn’t!”I say, laughing.
“I most certainly did.”
Inside the box is a small cake with “Will you marry me?”written in chocolate.
“Yes,” I say, “I most certainly will.”
There’s no ring—I told him that I didn’t want an engagement ring—and no kiss.Kissing on the lips is against our rules.I said I’d appreciate casual touches, like the sort we already do, and perhaps cuddling during movies, but nothing more.
Evan leans forward and envelops me in a hug, one that lasts a little longer than our usual hugs.Then he pulls back.“I guess we should eat dinner before we dig into the cake.”
I nod and help him set out the containers of food from my favorite Thai restaurant.I’m about to start serving myself when my phone buzzes.I pick it up, feeling a foolish burst of hope.
An unknown number.
I put the phone aside, annoyed with myself for even looking.
As we start eating, Evan turns to practical matters.“When should we tell our families?”
“I was planning to tell them when I’m in Calgary.”It can be such a hassle to fly at Christmas, so I don’t always go, but I’m going this year for four nights.
“Okay.I’ll do it then, too.”
The last time I was in a relationship, our interactions were rather combative, especially near the end.It was exhausting.
But I can’t see that ever happening with Evan.
Marriage might not always be smooth sailing, but I think this will give me what I want.
As soon as dessert is over, Peyton and Kaden pull out their phones.
