Page 70 of Two Friends in Marriage
I shake my head.“I’m afraid it’ll fuck everything up.”
“You don’t think she feels the same way?”
“I’m not sure, and even if she does…” I make some kind of gesture, meant to encompass all my failed relationships, though maybe I shouldn’t think of them as “failed.”Some of them might have been what I needed at the time.But they do have something in common: they all ended, and that ending hurt.
I can’t bear to think of that happening with Jane.
“I still think you should tell her,” Max says, his voice strangely gentle.
“Maybe if I wait long enough, this will go away.”
“Perhaps.”He sounds doubtful, and I don’t blame him.
When he stands up to boil more water, he sets a hand on my shoulder.
“Not all hope is misplaced,” he says.
When I get home, Jane comes downstairs to greet me.I catalogue it as one of the many things I like about being married that I would hate to lose.I hand her two red-bean mooncakes—that’s what she prefers, and our tastes are in alignment.
“Thank you,” she says.“How’s Max?”
“Good.”
“I asked Lana if she’d like to hang out next weekend, and she invited us for dinner on Saturday.What do you think?You up for that?”
“Sure.”It’s nice not to be the one making plans, and it feels like somehow, she knew that’s what I needed.
I pull her close and press a kiss to her cheek.
When we visit Lana and Camila, I can’t help thinking of the last time we saw them.So much has changed in the past several weeks.When they came to our house and brought us the charcuterie board, Jane had yet to spend a night in my bed.I wasn’t afraid that confessing my feelings—like my brother thinks I should do—would fuck up my marriage.
Ah, a simpler time.
Yet as I watch Jane demurely sip her wine, I don’t wish I could go back.
Instead, I want the impossible.
Chapter 23
Jane
WhenIwakeupto my alarm on Wednesday morning, I’m alone in bed.
It’s been weeks since I woke up by myself.Even the time I couldn’t sleep and retreated to the other bedroom, I woke up with Evan holding me from behind.
But he got up an hour ago for an early flight, and apparently, he was quiet enough that he didn’t disturb me.
As usual, I begin my day with the elliptical machine.When I come up from the basement, I start the coffeemaker and feel a strange pang in my chest.
It’s not that I mind making my own coffee on a weekday.It’s just weird that he’s not here.
I sit outside as I drink my coffee.I read the news on my phone, since there’s no one to talk to me and smile at me and squeeze my hand.When I turn to head into the house, I jump back in surprise.Yesterday, Watson sported a beret, but now, he’s wearing a dark blue cape.Evan actually changed the penguin’s outfit, even though he left before seven to catch a flight.Though why he owns a cape, I have no idea.
Later in the morning, my husband messages me to say he’s arrived safely.I set my phone aside and return to work, but for some reason, it’s harder to focus when I know he’s not in the house with me, even though our offices are two floors apart.
Thursday morning, I wake up alone in Evan’s bed again.
Yes, I slept in his bed last night, even though he’s not here.It no longer feels like his bed, butourbed.
