Page 87 of Time Loops & Meet Cutes
But on June 20, I couldn’t just be a bit player in my own life. The actions of other people became predictable, andIwas the thing that was different. Me and Avery. I could take risks because they weren’t all that, well, risky.
Maybe it’s time to take a small risk now. My yearning is—at least temporarily—greater than my fear.
“Just the bill, please,” I say to Cam when he approaches.
He prints the bill, hands it to me, and asks if I need the machine.
I shake my head. “I’ve got cash.”
I take my time pulling my wallet out of my purse, and when his attention is elsewhere, I scribble my name and a short message on the bill, then add the money. I use an empty glass to weigh everything down, just in case the door opens and the wind blows in.
Unfortunately, Cam returns before I can put on my coat.
“See you later.” I hustle to the door, not wanting to see his expression when he notices that I’ve left my number.
It’s minus a bazillion degrees outside, and I’m wearing a dress shirt and a thin sweater. As I struggle to zip up my coat, Iwonder if this zipper was always such a pain. I pull on my winter hat before returning to the zipper, feeling like I’m in grade one—I regularly needed my teacher to help with my coat then—and almost punch my fist in the air when I finally get it. Success!
I hurry toward the bus stop and arrive a mere thirty seconds before the bus—perfect timing. Once I’m safely in my seat at the back of the bus, I check my phone. No new messages, and I try not to deflate.
I remind myself that Cam’s working, but at eleven o’clock, I’m ready for sleep, and I still haven’t heard from him. There’s always tomorrow, though. Because “tomorrow” is something that properly exists now.
Still, I toss and turn in bed, afraid I might have screwed this up somehow.
No, you were brave.
Yet I can’t help wishing I could slink back into the shadows.
For the first time in as long as I can remember, I’m awake after three in the morning. When I was stuck in the loop and 3 a.m. came, the next thing I knew, my alarm was going off, but that’s now how things work anymore. Normally if I couldn’t fall asleep, I’d go out to the living room, but Avery is there and I don’t want to disturb her. Instead, I wonder, yet again, how we got out of the loop, my thoughts spinning in circles.
After getting two hours of sleep, I shuffle into work, unhappy with my choices and trying to draw even less attention to myself than usual.
But at lunchtime, I get a message.
33Cam
Noelle isn’t like the other women who have flirted with me in the taproom, although it’s hard to explain why I think that. I guess I had the sense that she’s not a flirtatious person. Like it was something she had to work herself up to doing, but it’s not as if it was especially awkward or forced. No, it felt natural, almost like we’d done it before, but I have a hunch that it was an effort for her. When I saw that she’d left her number, I smiled.
Iwas worth the effort.
To be honest, I’d considered asking her out myself—the way she’d popped into my mind during karaoke had felt like a sign—but I’d never tried to give my number to a customer before. I’m glad she made the first move.
Had she returned to the brewery on the coldest day of the year just to see me? That occurred to me when she first walked in the door, and it was more or less confirmed when she scurried out and I picked up the cash she’d left.
However, I had some unexpected crises to deal with, and by the time I could look at my phone for more than three seconds, it was late. I figured I’d wait until the next day at lunch.
ME: Hey. It’s Cam. I have to work Saturday, but I can leave around 7. Dinner?
NOELLE: Sure!!
I can’t help wondering how often she uses double exclamation marks. Again, I figure not very often. It’s just a vague feeling I have, but something inexplicable is drawing me to her, and I look forward to getting to know her better so I can have more than vague feelings.
I haven’t been on a date since October. I have a lot going on, and while my grandmother was dying, I was spending my free time with her, not on apps. It’s been well over a year since I had a girlfriend, who broke up with me because she couldn’t deal with my hours. She would have preferred someone with a nine-to-five job.
Which is what I suspect Noelle has, all heiress jokes aside. Yesterday evening, she was wearing clothes that looked appropriate for an office.
I suggest an izakaya that I’ve been meaning to try for months, and she quickly agrees. When I have a free moment, I make a reservation, then send her the details.
I wonder what my brother would think of this. He’s one of those guys who believes women only like rich, white men who are over six feet tall, and poor him, because he’s not any of those things.
