Page 49 of Sunshine
I swallow hard, scrolling through possibilities.
Shock factor?
Curiosity?
Impulsivity?
All of those things, for sure, but most of all I know it’s downrightwant.I physically want this man so badly it thrums in me constantly even when I’m not thinking about him, it’s like white noise in the background keeping me wet and ready.
And I’ve never felt that before in my life. I feel like a different person because of him. One that has more feelings, more life, more trust. Who am I? Where is my self-control? I know what happens when I let my guard down and it isn’t good. The roadI’m heading down is going to devastate me if I keep letting Mr. Biker in.
It’s just lust. He’s a big, sexy, annoying, bad boy, and I’m innocently lusting after him because I’ve never interacted with a man like him. And my marriage is over. And I’m lonely. And in my mid-thirties. My brow furrows as I bounce back through my list of flimsy reasons and my mind sticks on the wordsbad boy. Do bad boys fix porches? Maybe, maybe not, but he definitely kisses like a bad boy. I absently fan myself despite the chill in the sea breeze.
I’m suddenly itching to run inside, open my laptop and write again. Before Case, I hadn’t had this kind of need to create in years. And this urge to write, once as familiar as hunger, is burning in me now. I’m not sure why my encounters with my neighbor have this impact but they do. And today’s encounter, no, not encounter,confrontation,is fueling me like never before. With Case they’re always sexy confrontations and today’s inspires a hot scene, something taboo and kinky, where my heroine ends up being taken roughly…. after being disciplined… Hmm, maybe against the wall… or on the beach, her wanton howls snatched away by the wind.
Smiling, I scoop up the envelope with my divorce papers and the letter informing me of my financial obligations to Gary once they’re signed, and turn to go into the cottage, the scene playing out in my mind’s eye.
“Just the woman I want to see,” Gary says, a record scratch to delicious thoughts.
“You still exist?” I say coldly, glancing down to him at the base of the porch steps and tucking my arms around my middle. The envelope crunching against my middle. “I thought I was having a daymare.” I turn and head through my doorway. I’m not putting off the desire to write one more second because of this man. Nope. No way.
His feet stamp up the steps after me. “Stop running away from me, Tess.” He grabs my arm, roughly spinning me back to face him.
I grit my teeth, staring down at my arm clutched in his grip. “Let go of me.” My eyes fly back to his and I blink. He’s never manhandled me before. And as I stare into his bloodshot eyes I notice…. desperation? What could this asshole be so desperate about? It’s not like he wanted me back. I hold my breath a moment. Did he?
Why are you here?I think the words but I don’t say them aloud, because I realize I don’t actually care. That hits me in the gut, hard. I thought deep down I did, that my hatred and anger at being jilted was covering my feelings, but no. Right here as I look at the man I’d lived with for years, I feel nothing. And he looks… rough. His hair needs a cut, he hasn’t shaved or slept by the looks of it.
“I don’t know why you came all this way, Gary. You got what you wanted. I read the judgment today. You got half of everything, including my bank account and half of my future royalties on all the books I’ve written until now.” I scoff. “And alimony, although that’s at least much less than I expected.” I tug my arm, but he grips me tighter. I clench my jaw to keep my yelp in as his fingers dig into my flesh.
“You’re going to leave bruises,” I grind out. “There’s nothing left but to sign the divorce papers, which I’m about to do.” I look at my arm where he holds it and pull away again, this time succeeding.
“Don’t sign them, Tess.” He looks crazy, totally crazy — eyes bugging and bloodshot, hair a mess, and his clothes are disheveled.
But it’s none of my concern. As soon as the thought comes to my head I realize the relief in it. I’m truly happy to be rid of Gary.
“Let’s work this out.”
I’m speechless for a few long seconds. What the hell is he thinking?
“Did Marie dump you?” I ask, a much better reaction than laughing in his face.
“No, I just…” He pauses looking around, frowning. “She’s not what I want. You are.” He raises his hand and in it is a bottle of my favorite wine. “Let’s talk, over this bottle of wine.”
I note he sayswhatand notwho.
“No, Gary, because you’re notwhoI want. And I’m sorry if I wasted your time. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you needed but you didn’t give me what I needed either.”
“Please, Tess. I came all this way. Let’s just talk.”
“I’m sorry, Gary. You shouldn’t have wasted your time coming all this way. I have nothing more to say.”
“Is it him? That guy?”
My brow furrows. “What?”
“He’s the reason we can’t be together again?”
“It has nothing to do with?—”
