Page 10 of Motivating Mira
“No, I’m all caught up on my work.” She looked so frail that I moved my gaze to the window, but then I was reminded by the too-long grass outside that it needed to be cut. “I need to mow the lawn after too.”
“Please come sit next to me, honey.”
Glancing at my mother’s sunken eyes, I nodded. “Okay.”
Leaving the stewing beef on the counter, I grabbed a small throw blanket from the couch and draped it over her shoulders before taking the spot next to her. Placing her hand on top of mine, she held it tightly until I made eye contact with her.
“Tell me about school.”
I wanted to sigh, to brush her off, go out and mow the lawn, but she gave my hand an urgent squeeze.
“Mira, I need this, okay? I’m so worried about you.”
“Me? Mom, I’m not the one who’s dying.” There was a bit of frustration in my voice, so I buried it. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine.”
Her look brought my frustration back to the surface. “You’re not fine. You’ve only been away from Josh for a few years, you’re not back on your feet yet. And you’ve got school, your job. And me. It’s so much…”
I felt the rest of her sentence.It’s so much… for someone like you.
Instead of focusing on that though, I grabbed on to her last words like grappling hooks. “I want to take care of you, Mom. It’s not a burden or anything extra on my plate. The only thing weighing on me is whether or not I’ll be eating the last of the frozen stew by myself.”
That was the truth but also a low blow. My mother had come to terms with her diagnosis—even if she was hanging on for as long as she could, because my life would implode once she was gone—but she knew I hadn’t. Therefore, my mention of it usually brought on enough guilt to stop her nagging.
“Mira Louise Wilcox, do not lie to me or try to guilt me into dropping the subject.” Her tone was sharp and chastened me. “You have a lot on your plate and denying it only worries me even more.”
“Fine. I have a lot on my plate. But I can handle it.”
It was her look of doubt then that crushed the air from my lungs. She was sure I was in over my head because I wasn’t strong like other people—like her. And because of that she was going to fight through round after round of excruciating poison, exhausting every last possible treatment until it killed her.
And that was the guilt I carried.
I swallowed hard, ignoring the heat behind my eyes. God, I was practically forcing my mother to suffer through unimaginable pain because of my incompetence.
“Mama, I’m doing well. I’m going to graduate early, and on the Dean’s list. I like the people I work with at the university. I have friends. I’m going to be okay.” A tear slipped down my cheek and I swiped it away almost aggressively, because I couldn’t control it and it was just another sign of weakness. “I’m going to be devastated when you’re gone, but not because I can’t take care of myself, okay? I’m just going to miss you.”
She swallowed her judgment, and her own tears, and held her arms open for me. And like the fucking child I was, I fell into them, because I didn’t know if I believed what I was telling her.
Two
Wes
“Show me my award,” Jesse said as he strolled up to the desk. His scrubs were wrinkled where they’d come untucked after wrestling an addict with severe cellulitis back into his bed.
“Sorry, Dr. Tanner,” Liza, the head nurse for the day, said, glancing up from her notes. “It’s gone to someone else, but if you’re free, curtain seven needs a ride to the morgue. He’s been here for two hours, and the porters haven’t shown up yet.”
“Hold up. Who won? And for what?”
Reaching into the desk drawer, Liza pulled out the largest purple penis dildo I’d ever seen and turned it to face him. I smirked, knowing my name, neatly typed with the label maker and stuck across the balls, would annoy him.
Jesse frowned. “What? I just saved two nurses and a phlebotomist from a raging junkie; how did I not win?”
“Dr. Lake made a better save yesterday.”
Jesse’s eyes cut to mine. “You? You get to be Dr. Dildo all next week?” He pointed. “The betrayal.” He held a hand over his heart.
I shrugged. “I didn’t ask to be involved in this weird game you guys play. In fact, I didn’t even know why we referred to different medical professionals as Dr. D each week, at least not until Liza explained yesterday as she handed me that…monster.” I pointed at the thick veiny phallus, a grimace on my face. “So, you’re welcome to it, Dr. Tanner. I prefer Dr. Lake.”
The silicone dick had apparently been removed from some politician’s ass many years ago. The poor fucker claimed to have fallen on it, which was ridiculous and the most often used excuse when people came in with strange things stuck up their assholes.
