Page 26 of Motivating Mira
She lifted her head to look at me. “I don’t see it.”
I rolled my eyes, ignoring the sudden flash of a memory involving Wes. But even though I refused to let the memory play out in my mind, a shudder passed through me.
“I had something on the way here,” I lied. I hadn’t wanted to go to the cafeteria for dinner while she was awake, but I’d spent at least half of the movie watching her fight her exhaustion like a toddler, and wishing she’d doze off long enough for me to sneak down there.
And not just for food, although I hated to admit it even to myself.
Grr. I wanted to see Butte, Montana’s, hottest doctor in person, not just in my head. Because he was definitely living rent free there now too. Only I needed fresh material for my nightly fantasies. They always started with our little meet ups in the cafeteria, they just took a very different turn when I laid in bed, my hand working silently beneath the sheets.
But what kind of a person would I be if I went there while my mother was awake just to get fuel for my evening ritual? There had to be a special place in hell for daughters who did that.
My mother’s arm slid beneath the bedside bar, and she squeezed my knee. “Look at you. Off in La La Land when there’s a delicious-looking shirtless man on the screen. Are you worried about school?”
“No, I’m fine. My mind just wandered.” I yawned glancing at the clock. It was only six o’clock, but it felt so much later.
Her brow rose. “You’re tired. Doing too much. School, extra classes, a job, me. It’s too much for you.”
It was too muchfor you.Same old, same old.I looked away at the door, so she didn’t see the hurt on my face because it was just too much. It was too muchfor me.
“You need to spend time with your friends.”
“I’m out with a friend right now,” I said nudging her foot with mine. “Besides, it’s Saturday and I’m caught up on schoolwork.” I replied, lowering my feet and rising to pour water in her cup from the plastic jug on her nightstand.
“And you had a full-time job, a part-time job, got your GED, and did it all while taking care of a baby with zero support from anyone. And you managed just fine, in fact, better than fine, and we share the same DNA.” I smiled, tucking her blanket up to her chin. “It’s genetically impossible for me to be doing too much when my mother’s superhuman.”
“I was different. I was full of piss and vinegar and had too much to prove since your grandmother kicked me out. I had to show her, her and her billions weren’t going to be the reason I didn’t have you.”
She didn’t mean to hurt me, but the words sliced through me anyway. I didn’t have what it took to handle even half of what she had.
Shaking her head, she sighed. “Not superhuman at all though, am I? And I’m damn exhausted too, and I’ve been lying in a bed for days.”
The way she motioned to herself in the bed reminded me she was very much a regular human. Did that make me less than a regular human in her eyes then?
I swallowed my hurt and sadness, patting the blanket where her hand was as I sat back into my chair.
“If I’m even half the woman you are…” My words trailed off at her worried expression. “Okay, Mom. I’ll leave the second you fall asleep, okay?” And then I prayed she’d fall asleep fast so I could get to my car and bawl my eyes out in privacy.
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
She nodded, her face solemn. And within five minutes her eyes had drifted closed. I sat quietly listening as her still raspy breathing changed to the rhythmic pattern of sleep, fighting to hold my tears back. Tears for the woman who took care of me, and tears for the woman I wasn’t but was trying so hard to be.
“Okay, Mama, I’m going just like I promised.” I leaned forward to kiss her head. Leaving her room, I caught her nurse just as she pushed her med cart out from behind the nurse’s station.
“What time do you think she’ll be out tomorrow?” I asked Jillian.
She grimaced and my gut dropped. “I don’t know if she will be getting out tomorrow, Mira.”
I could see it in her eyes. Something was wrong. “Her blood work showed the infection was essentially gone.”
“We were concerned when she couldn’t keep anything down. Apparently, she’s been having trouble for a while, but wasn’t admitting it until I walked in today and caught her throwing up. The doctor ordered PET scans, an MRI and some more blood work.”
“Is the doctor around now?” Worry ate at me.
She shook her head. “He’s on a consult now. Can I have him talk to you when he comes back to the floor? It shouldn’t be long.”
I nodded. “I was heading home, but I’ll wait.”
