Page 9 of Motivating Mira
She helped me up, guiding me to the wooden chair where I sat with a hiss. And then she went back to her own chair and let me drain myself of tears. And when I was finally nothing more than languid limbs, hiccups and sniffles, we went through our schedules and picked the best time to meet.
“You may right yourself and be on your way, Mira. I hope this will prove an effective deterrent to tardiness in the future.”
I stood, feeling a bit wobbly and nodded. She came to me, gave me a quick hug and three gentle pats on the back. “You took that well. Do you need anything else?”
I swallowed hard. “No, Ma’am.”
She nodded, wiping some tears from my cheeks. “You’ve got some bruising. Drink plenty of fluids, have a nap, and if you need it, Nurse MacIntosh can provide you with some arnica cream. I’ll let her know.”
“Thank you, Professor Stahlbaum,” I said, and I meant it too. I hadn’t felt this light in months. My paddling had an unintended benefit. For the last half hour, I hadn’t thought of my mother, her diagnosis, or her prognosis at all.
Professor Stahlbaum’s clear eyes held mine, and in that moment, I knew that she knew there was more to what happened today. I think she knew I needed the harsh physicality of the paddling she’d given me, but with grace and gentleness of heart.
“Honey, if you need to talk. At any time. I’m here.”
I nodded, thanked her and left.
In my room, Cleo took one look at me and threw her arms around me. “Why didn’t you tell her? She would have let you off. I know she would have. And being late with an assignment isn’t a failure—not really. You still know your stuff. This is just a difficult time for you.”
I shrugged as she released me. “I don’t want any special treatment. And at some point, everyone loses their mom.” My gaze sharpened on her. “And remember you were sworn to secrecy.”
She rolled her eyes and nodded. “And when they do, they get compassion —even in the real world.” She put her hands on her hips. “What if I were in your position, would you judge me for being late with a few assignments?”
I thought about it and shrugged again. I’d have fought like hell to convince her to talk to her professors, because no one should have to go through something like that without being given at least a little lenience.
“You made your point, Clee. Can we stop talking about it now?”
“Why do you have to carry it alone? Is there a prize at the end? An award? You’re being a martyr and it’s not necessary.” Her tone was sharp, and she crossed her arms. But even though she was right, I didn’t feel like giving in.
I also didn’t feel like admitting that the paddling had helped me. I’d tried yoga, meditation, exercise, even a massage, though I couldn’t afford it, but nothing had eased the stress and tension I’d been carrying over my mother’s terminal diagnosis, and my impending family-less life, like the several minutes I’d spentbent across Professor Stahlbaum’s desk. And that I was grateful for it.
I grabbed my bag, shoved a pair of pajamas and some toiletries in it. “I won’t be back tonight.”
“You’re leaving?” Her voice rose to a panicked pitch. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I don’t have any plans or shifts this weekend, so I’m going to stay at my mom’s.” I looked up at her frantic expression. “You didn’t upset me, Cleo. This was always my plan.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you.” She paced in the small room, scrubbing her hands over her face. “You usually have at least one scene on your weekend off and I’ve scared you off from getting your needs met.” She looked up and grabbed my shoulders. “I’m a horrible friend.”
“You’re the best friend I have, Clee. Do not blame yourself. And remember I just had my ass torn up. I couldn’t handle a scene this weekend even if my life depended on it.” I pulled her into a firm hug before stepping back to throw my bag over my shoulder. “I love you, but I need to go.”
“Call me later? At least to let me know how your mom is doing.”
I gave her a small smile and nodded, walking out. “I will.”
I wanted to nap. That’s what I really wanted. There was nothing like the exhaustion from a good spanking and a cry, but throw in that it was with a paddle for something I deserved to be punished for, and I was absolutely and blissfully spent.
For a split second I had a flash of the past. A night years ago when I’d felt like this—no,betterthan this, but I let the memory fall away before it fully came into focus. It hurt to think about. My future, life, BDSM, back then, all of it had held so much promise.
When I got to my mom’s, she looked even more exhausted than me, so I made her some scrambled eggs and toast, whichwas all she seemed to be able to keep down since her last chemo treatment. While she ate, I popped in a DVD.
I fell asleep within minutes and when I woke up to the credits, she was fast asleep on the other side of the sectional. I rose, tucking a blanket around her and went to my room to grab my quilt. Lying down on the opposite side of the sectional, I pulled my quilt under my chin, turned the TV off, and went right back to sleep.
The next morning, while my mother was with her home-care aide, Greta, I cleaned the house and went grocery shopping. They were just coming back from a walk as I was putting away the groceries.
“Want to sit here and tell me how to make your beef stew?” I pointed at one of the stools at the breakfast bar. “They had stewing beef on sale. I thought I’d make a batch and freeze it for later.”
“Don’t you need to study?” she asked as she slowly sat on the closest stool.
