Page 69 of Motivating Mira
I ignored him. “I would have told you it was because it made me weak to need you.”
He didn’t speak.
“Dammit, Wes, what would you have said?”
His brow went up in warning at my bossy demanding words.
“Please, I need us to have this conversation,” I pleaded.
“I would have said, I’m weak,” he said quietly. “Because Ineedyou.”
“And I would have said, you don’t. I would have scoffed softly and said, nothing in your life would change if you never saw me again.”
“And I would tell you you’re wrong.”
I sniffed, seeing my own stupidity in real time. “And I would have rolled my eyes.” I pantomimed it.
“That’s one,” he said pointing at me. “Or rather that’s what I would have said.”
I deliberately rolled my eyes again.
“Two. I’d have warned you to stop and let me finish.”
I swallowed hard. “And I’d have said fine. Go on.”
“Yes, I need you. We all need someone. Some of us just aren’t caught up in proving that we don’t.”
“And that would have given me pause, but I wouldn’t have been fully convinced.”
“Okay, so then I’d say yes, Mira. I do need you. Not because I think you need me, but because Iwantyou. And only you. And if you were to walk out of my life, somethingwouldchange. Every breath would feel like razorblades, every moment would weigh heavy like unfulfilled dreams. The sky would be duller, and yet the sun too bright.”
I felt that. Deep inside, but I couldn’t stop now. “I’d have pointed out how poetic that was, but?—”
He cut me off. “Zip it so I can finish.” He shot me the crooked grin that I loved so much and continued, “I need you because you’re the one I want to talk about my day with. I need you because you’re the one I want to hold at the beginning and the end of that day. I need you because when you pop into myhead and I think about you throughout the day, it makes my day better. I need you because you’re the one who accepts and thrives with my Daddy side. I need you because you accept that I also have a softer silly side and it doesn’t make me less of a man when I show it. I need you because being with you makes me whole.”
I took a step toward him, my heart hammering.
“I’d pause here for dramatic effect but also to wait for your possible rejection, because this would be it. I wouldn’t push you anymore after this. I’d accept your decision and move on. But my final words would be…”
“Mira, I’m half a person without you.”
I didn’t move, not a muscle. Even my chest stopped rising and falling and the seconds felt like days as I tried to control my emotions enough to get out what I needed to say. Finally, I blinked and as he started to blur in front of me, I said, “I don’t want to live life without backup.”
“Then don’t?—”
I held up a hand stopping him. “Can you zip it now, so I can tell you what I have to say? I’m trying to be poetic here too.”
My chest fluttered as his brow arched in the most deliciously menacing way.
“I don’t want to face life without backup, but not because I can’t, but because it’s lonely. And exhausting. So you’re right. I’ve been trying to prove that I can take care of myselfby myselfthis whole time. But why would I want to? Having people to turn to in difficult times isn’t a bad thing. It’s actually a privilege that not everyone gets.”
A few tears spilled over my lids and down my cheeks as I thought of my mom, but I didn’t sweep them away. “And these”—I pointed at the tears—“I once thought they showed weakness, but they don’t. They show that things matter, people matter, and I care that they do.”
I walked toward him, this time placing my hands on his chest and pushed him back inside the room. And then, without even breaking eye contact I closed the door with my foot.
“Here’s where I get poetic…. Needing you is weak. But wanting you is a choice. And choosing to go after what I want, that’s strength.”
“Are you done?”
