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Anger rose inside me, but I kept it cool. My pride wanted to check him, but I forced myself to relax. Losing it now would only make me look weaker. So, I just sat there, staring out the windshield, grinding my teeth while Carlos kept chuckling under his breath.
“You my homeboy, bro. I love you to death.”
When he said that, I knew he meant it. Like I said, we had been friends since we were knee–high, growing up in the same hood. I’d whooped many a nigga for teasing him for being so high yellow. His father was Mexican. As kids, we didn’t understand why he was so light skinned with curly hair, especially since his father was nowhere around for us to see. We just knew that his mom was black as midnight, but he was the lightest thing in the hood.
Eventually, both of our mothers moved to different neighborhoods. Me and Carlos lost touch here and there. Once we ended up going to the same high school, however, we never lost touch again. We were so close that we lived the same street life. However, Carlos was in the drug game when I was just a petty thief. He started hustling and never stopped. Now here he was making five figures a day.
“…But we both know you ain’t no drug dealer, fam.”
Though I couldn’t deny that, I hated that he was right. And I hated that he was smart enough with his cash to be living the life that I wanted.
Swallowing that chunk of humble pie was hard as hell. “I know. I planned on putting Moses to work, though.”
Again, he chuckled to the point that it embarrassed me and pissed me off. “Moses just lost three bricks and firepower. Now you want me to front you some work?”
My nostrils flared with irritation. I had let my guard down and asked for a favor. Now, I felt stupid, but I tried to hide it as I stared out of the passenger side window. “It’s all good. I’ll have the money in a minute. I was just being impatient,” I lied.
“Well, when you get it, seems like you need to be giving it to me anyway, bro. You owe me quite a bit of money.”
I smiled to throw him off. “You’re right.”
But in my head, I was already somewhere else. Carlosthought he was slick, sitting on his high horse, laughing at me like I was some broke lil’ nigga begging for crumbs. He forgot who I was. I never asked twice, and I damn sure never waited long when I wanted something. If he wasn’t gonna give it to me, I’d take it, just like I always did.
One way or another, I was gonna eat.
9
MOSES
Christmas lights from the tree lit up the living room. The red, green, and gold colors flashed across Trent’s cheesy grin as he played with his gifts. Torn wrapping paper was still all over the carpet. Trent was in his own world as he slid his new race cars across the floor while making engine noises. Every now and then, he’d glance up at me and grin like he’d just won the lottery. That smile killed me and healed me at the same time.
But even in that moment, the guilt was eating at me. Watching him play and feeling Kahlani on the couch beside me, I couldn’t shake it. The guilt that came from knowing she’d taken that charge for me was making it hard to enjoy the holiday, despite the gifts Kahlani and Trent had given me. I felt like I was carrying a brick around in my heart.
I wrapped my arm tighter around her shoulders, pulling her in even closer. She leaned into me automatically, like her body was molded to fit mine.
She knew me too well. She tilted her eyesup toward mine, and before I could even open my mouth, she was already shaking her head.
“Moses, don’t even start,” she said, but with a smile. “You better not apologize again.”
All I could do was lower my head with a guilty chuckle.
“I mean it,” she continued, resting her hand on my chest. “What’s done is done. I made my choice. We’re not going to keep going in circles about it.”
Her devotion hit me harder than any bullet ever could. She’d risked her freedom and future for me just so I wouldn’t lose mine. I kissed her forehead, lingering there for a moment, breathing her in.
“I promise you. I’mma do everything I have to do to get you out of this. Whatever it takes, I’mma make it right.”
She sat up straighter, pulling back just enough to look me in the face. Her brown, fierce eyes locked onto mine. “No. I don’t want you to do anything crazy. I don’t want anything to happen to you. I can’t do this alone, Moses. And you already owe Carlos. You don’t need to add more to your plate.”
I knew she was right. She didn’t want me to make things worse. But inside, I felt desperate. As much as I wanted to respect her wishes, I was willing to do whatever it took to be the man she deserved, to give her the life she dreamed about, the security she needed, and the future I’d promised her since the day she put Trent in my arms.
I looked over at my son, laughing as he crashed his toy cars together. He didn’t know all that I had done to make sure he and his mother had a merry Christmas. All he knew was that Santa had come through, and his parents were right there watching him play.
That innocence was my motivation.
My chin rested on her hair. “I got us,” I whispered, more to myself than her. “No matter what it takes.”
She sighed against me, like she was scared of what that meant. Her fingers curled into my hoodie, holding on to me the same way I held on to her.
