Page 49 of Legends and Librarians
“I’ve been thinking a lot about that, actually. Adventurers work on jobs that people post at the guild. If we can convince the people who posted those jobs to take them back or mark them as complete, then she won’t have any reason to act against the library anymore.”
Her eyes widened. “Is it really that simple?”
“In theory, yes,” I said with a laugh, “but in practice? Probably not. I’m not sure how we’ll convince anyone the library isn’t haunted, but it’s worth a shot.”
Nyssa nodded. “Once people meet the story spirits, I’m sure they’ll have a change of heart. Thanks for the good idea.” She shifted onto her elbows, looking down at me. “You know, I can handle that part on my own if you still wanted to leave.”
“No, I said I’d stay until the library was safe. It wouldn’t feel right leaving in the middle of all this.”
She frowned. “I know you said that, but you’re not obligated to help us. You said so yourself: adventurers take missionspeople post at the guild. I didn’t post any missions and that little bet of ours is already done, so you really don’t owe me anything. You can leave and I won’t blame you. I’ve got a plan now and the story spirits will help me.” She smiled warmly. “We’ll be okay.”
My hands clenched as an uncomfortable feeling swept over me.
“But Jade being here is my fault,” I said slowly. “I’ll stay until she’s taken care of.”
“She’s apparently been here before, so she would come again with or without you. It’s not your fault.” Her long hair drifted in the breeze, tickling my arm. “You don’t work for the library, so I can handle it from here.”
Everything she was saying made sense, but my chest ached more and more with each word. She really didn’t need me. I’d always known that, but hearing it spoken so assuredly was painful. I could give my missions to Master Carmine and let Nyssa know which townsfolk to talk to about them. She was surrounded by people who would help her and she’d never give up on her dreams, so I knew she’d succeed.
I could leave tomorrow and she’d be fine.
She frowned again, her gaze falling on the blanket as she fiddled with it. “I’m not saying you have to leave, just that you can if you want to. You seemed pretty set on it earlier.” Her gaze flicked up for a moment, meeting mine. “I thought you were happy here, but then you suddenly wanted to leave, which is fine, I’m just curious about why?”
I gazed at the stars, shining brilliantly above us. If I was going to leave, I might as well tell her the truth. She deserved that much.
“It started with Cerbie,” I said, feeling a little foolish. “I realized I’d gotten into a routine with him and that freaked me out.”
“Routines freak you out?”
“Pretty much, yeah,” I said. “I rarely stay anywhere long enough to build habits. Once you do that, you’re attached to people or places, and it hurts a lot more when you have to leave.”
“That’s...fair,” she said, nodding. “But it also sounds lonely.”
“Better to be alone than to have people disappoint you all the time.”
Her eyes widened as she reached out to touch my arm. “Do you really believe that? It kind of sounds like you’re afraid of getting hurt, but you don’t strike me as the type of guy who gives in to fears like that.”
I stiffened, pulling away from her. That wasn’t a fear, it was a fact. People always disappointed me if I gave them the chance.
My parents. Jade. The guild. Everyone I’d ever gotten close to.
“It’s just how the life of an adventurer is,” I said, “constantly on the move and all. My parents were the same way, always moving around even when I was a kid. Until one day they left me at a guild and told me to adventure on my own from now on. That I was old enough to get by.”
“That’s horrible,” Nyssa said softly. “I’m sorry that happened to you. If it were me, I’d want a home even more after something like that.”
Home. That was a word I didn’t really understand, but something I was craving more and more. Being here had shown me a glimpse of what a home could be like, what it should feel like, and it was beautiful.
“I’ll settle down eventually,” I said, forcing a smile on my face. “Just not right now. I haven’t found anywhere I’d feel comfortable calling home yet anyway.”
My gaze drifted to the library, to the warm glow of the lights shining in the windows and the sound of the story spirits having a good time. Cerbie woofed in the background, making me wish he was out here with us.
“How can you find a place you feel comfortable if you keep running away?” Nyssa asked, her eyes kinder than her words sounded. “It doesn’t have to be here, of course, but you should find somewhere that makes you happy and try staying there for a while. See what you feel after that.”
“Not worth the risk.”
“If that’s not worth the risk, then what is?” she asked, her eyebrows pinched together. “You travel all over, fighting and doing missions, but none of that really matters if you aren’t happy. If you don’t let people see how amazing you really are, then you’re taking all those risks for nothing. What are you really getting out of it? Gold? Reputation? Is that what makes you happy?” She shook her head. “I somehow doubt that, because I’ve seen how happy being here has made you. That’s what you should be risking everything on. Find people that make you happy and don’t let them go. Don’t abandon them before giving them a real chance.”
Her words were like a shock of cold water being splashed in my face. Abandon them? Was that really what I’d been doing up until now? No, I was happy with how my life was and I certainly wasn’t the one doing the abandoning.
