Page 72 of Legends and Librarians
“But they’re the reason for everything, Roan. I know they’re why you trained so hard that your body and mind broke over and over until you hardened beyond the point of breaking. I was trying to teach you to bend, but that was never something you could do. Until now, I think. Coming back here twice feels like a big step.” He leaned forward, staring at me with that intense look that had always glued me to my chair. “It’s not your fault that they never came back. It’s theirs. But you can’t keep avoiding everyone else because of it.”
I ground my teeth as memories clouded my thoughts. Them waving goodbye, promising to come back soon. Following their missions in the news, seeing them do great things without a stupid kid like me hanging around. Training until I passed out each night, just wanting to impress them. Tracking them down and seeing how happy they were without me.
I blinked faster as tears welled up in the corners of my eyes. I could have talked to them, could have made them see who I’d grown up to be, but they didn’t deserve that. They were my past and I wouldn’t let the pain of their absence ruin my future anymore. It was time I let myself be happy.
“I know I can’t keep avoiding people, that’s why I’m here,” I said, relaxing my grip on the chair. “I’ve been working at the library on the mountain the past few weeks. I need you to talk to Jade, convince her that it’s not dangerous. To make her stop harassing the people there.”
A muffled snort from outside the door made me flinch and rub my eyes. No way would I let her see me about to cry. “Jade, what the hell, are you eavesdropping out there?”
“No?” she mumbled, then threw the door open, waltzing in like she owned the place. “Well it’s not like you gave me much choice. You refuse to talk to me.”
“Me not wanting to talk to you doesn’t give you the right to barge in,” I said. “You’re so full of yourself.”
The guild master sighed. “Can’t we just have one civil conversation? You used to be as close as siblings.”
“I was delusional,” I said harshly, “just wishing for a family anywhere I could find it.”
“I’m going to let you two work this out,” the guild master said as he stepped outside. “Don’t you dare leave this room until you do. I’m old and I’m tired of this.”
The click of the door shutting behind him sounded far too loud. Guilt gnawed at my stomach. I’d been trying to upset Jade,not him. He’d done his best by me, taking care of me when I needed it most. So what if he just wanted me around to train his daughter? He’d still wanted me.
Jade smacked me on the back of the head. “Look what you did. Grow up, you’re supposed to be an adult now. How can you still be mad at me for one stupid thing I said?”
“One stupid thing?” I snorted. “Try all the stupid things. You’re so stubborn and always need to get your way. Like with the library. You’re working so hard to ruin things for them for no reason.”
“No, I’m protecting the town,” she said coldly. “They’re what’s important right now. It’s not my problem if the library shuts down. It’s dangerous, so maybe it deserves to be shut down.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said, “but even if it was dangerous, I’m there to make sure nothing bad happens. I know you don’t like me, but you’ve always respected my abilities. Can’t you just trust that I’ll keep everyone safe for you?”
“You? Keep everyone safe?” She laughed, the brittle sound of it making my shoulders tense up. “You’ll be gone in no time, just like always. You abandon everyone and everything you get close to. So no, I don’t trust that you’ll keep anyone safe. The only thing I can count on you for is to run away.”
I swallowed hard, remembering Nyssa’s conversation with me under the stars. About how me leaving before I got attached was kind of like me abandoning people before they could do the same to me. Was she right? Was that really what I’d been doing this whole time?
No, Jade told me to leave and now she was just trying to cover her own ass.
“You didn’t want me here,” I said. “You said nobody wanted me here, that I was just a pity case. That the only reasonanyone teamed up with me was so that they’d feel good about themselves.”
She rolled her eyes. “I was jealous, you idiot. You were doing so much better than I was and my father kept praising your name. I didn’t think you’d take it so seriously. I tried to apologize an hour later, but you’d already run away.”
“No, it had to be more than that,” I said, my chest tightening. “You hated me being here. You thought I was a terrible trainer, always getting in your way.”
“No, I thought you were an amazing trainer,” she said, slumping into the guild master’s chair. “I turned out pretty badass, didn’t I?”
That was true, but I wasn’t sure I’d had anything to do with it. She was hot-headed and inexperienced when I left, but now she was cold and bloodthirsty, far from inexperienced. Somebody else did that. Probably her sheer force of will, if I was honest. She was so determined to get stronger that she wouldn’t let anyone hold her back. Not even herself.
“How could you not care enough to fight me about it?” she asked softly. “To yell at me or tell me how wrong I was? It’s like you didn’t even care.”
Oh I cared. I cared so much I’d fled with tears in my eyes, shame burning me to my core. I’d felt like a fool, getting close to them when that’s what they’d thought of me. I never stayed anywhere for longer than a few weeks after that. I never got close to anyone. I never...
Jade’s gaze fell to the ground as she scuffed her boots against the floor. “You left without even saying goodbye. You just took off. That’s not how families work, Roan. You’re supposed to talk things out.”
“Well how was I supposed to know that?” I asked, shaking my head. “My family wasn’t exactly close.”
Awkward silence stretched between us with nothing but thenoise of the guild master’s chair creaking as Jade leaned back in it. She’d wanted me to stay? To yell at her? All this time and she’d just been a jealous kid, wanting her father’s attention. I could relate to that.
I sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left like that.”
“Damn right you shouldn’t have,” she snapped, then gave me a weary smile. “I missed you, you know.”
